爱在黎明破晓时

文/Someone Magical 译/Vera641 绘/马豆子

爱在黎明破晓时

文/Someone Magical 译/Vera641 绘/马豆子

Every morning， at precisely①precisely 英 ［prɪ'saɪslɪ］ 美 ［prɪ'saɪsli］ adv. 精确地；恰恰3:00AM， she came to my doorstep in the same beige②beige 英 ［beɪʒ； beɪdʒ］ 美 ［beʒ］ n. 米黄色adj. 浅褐色的；米黄色的-gray T-shirt and torn drab running shorts.

She often called me from her cell， begging me to come over after class. After a while I got the idea that she wasn't allowed to be seeing me. But she was going against her parents.

They thought she was single. Inconscient. But she was more than a drab， blank piece of paper balancing on the table， just waiting to be filled. Waiting for her story to be written for her.

But that's not my girl.

The first time she came， dressed in her dirty rags， I was repulsed③repulse 英 ［rɪ'pʌls］ 美 ［rɪ'pʌls］ vt. 拒绝；驱逐；憎恶 n. 拒绝；击退. Often poor girls never strayed passed the golden gates.

She held her hand out to me and said， "Want to run？"

I didn't know what I was getting into. I felt like it was secret code for a date， like the poor girls had no idea how to ask someone out.

每天早晨，严格意义上说是每天凌晨3点，那个总是穿着米灰色T恤、土褐色破洞运动短裤的女孩会出现在我家门口。

她经常打电话给我，让我下课与她顺路一起走。过了几天我才知道，她家里人不许她去看我，但是她一直和她父母对着干。

他们认为她总是形单影只，并且有些迟钝。但我知道，她其实只是一张放在桌子上的单调白纸，等待属于她的色彩，也在等待只属于她一个人的故事。

我也知道，她并不属于我。

当她穿着破旧的衣服第一次出现的时候，我的内心对她是排斥的。通常贫穷的女孩从来不会散步到金色大门里来。

But I was way， way off.

"Sure，" I replied. I glanced back into the house， making sure Mom hadn't woken up yet. She usually started making breakfast around four.

After getting changed， we set off. Running passed the sun， we made our way past the local California smoothly shop， past the waving palm trees.

We stopped at the beach.

I never realized how good a runner she was. I'd focused mostly on the ugly dirt stains④stain 英 ［steɪn］ 美 ［sten］ vi. 污染；被染污n. 污点；瑕疵；着色剂on her shirt， or the long， ugly scars running down her arm.

Ever since then， I made it my goal to make her my girlfriend.

I had several at the time. Each was beautiful，rich， and smart. Each was a perfect match. But she was more than beautiful.

Someday I would have her as my own. But that could benched happen. Not with the denial⑤denial 英 ［dɪ'naɪ（ə）l］ 美 ［dɪ'naɪəl］ n. 否认；拒绝；节制；背弃of her parents. Not with the curse of mine.

She still seemed to always appear， to find me when I least expected it. Some days， when my mother dragged me grocery shopping， there she would be， with her brothers and sisters crowding around a single cart， waiting to get the first can of beans or frozen spaghetti⑥spaghetti 英 ［spə'ɡetɪ］ 美 ［spə'ɡɛti］ n. 意大利式细面条and have it as their own. And my family， only two children， with mounds of all natural， healthy foods compiled up to the top of our polished cart.

This food should have been theirs.

But sometimes God curses the good people and gives the evil power.

She still sees me.

She knew I loved her. But I just didn't know how to say it.

她向我伸出了手，问我：“你想去跑步吗？”

我不知道自己是如何陷入其中的。我感觉这是开启一场约会的暗号，因为贫穷的女孩们不知道如何去追求心上人。

但是我可能错得有点儿离谱。

“当然可以。”我答道。我往后审视了一下房间，确保妈妈还没有起床。她通常在4点做早饭。

换好衣服以后，我们就出发了。我们奔跑着，太阳被我们甩在了身后，我们跑过了加利福尼亚的商店，跑过了摇曳的棕榈树。

我们在沙滩前停住了脚步。

我从来不知道原来她这么擅长跑步。大多数时间，我从她身上注意到的都是丑陋的、肮脏的T恤或者是布满她手臂的长长的难看的疤痕。

就是这个时刻，我为自己定下了个目标——我要让她成为我的女朋友。

曾经，我有过好几个女朋友。每一个都很漂亮、有钱，同时也很聪明。每一个在外人看来都和我门当户对。但是在她身上，你能看到的不是美貌那么肤浅的东西。

未来的某一天，如果她真的成为我的女朋友就好了。但是这个机会真的是微乎其微。这阻力不仅仅来自她的父母，也不仅仅是因为我自身所带的诅咒。

她仍然会在不经意间出现，在我几乎不相信她还会出现的时候找到我。有一天，当我妈妈正拖着我在杂货店购物的时候，她也在，她正带着她的弟弟妹妹们推着一辆车，等待着拿到那个第一份豆子罐头或是冷冻的意大利面。然而我的家里，算上我只有两个孩子，我们有好多新鲜、健康的食物，而这些食物每次都堆满我们的购物车。

这样的食物理应属于他们。

但是有时，上帝会让善良的人受苦，让恶人拥有力量。

她仍然来看我。

她知道我爱她，但是我仍然不知如何开口说“爱”这个字。

Love at First Light