In The Park

刘奕希

Today is a suny day. The weather is pretty good. There are a lots of children in the park.

Look！ That girl is playing with her friends under the tree. They are singing and dancing. They look very happy. Those boys are playing soccer. Look！ A basketball is in the small river！ A boy is swiming to get it in the river. It is too dangerous. Oh！ There are many butterflies. They are flying on the grass or flying over the small river. They are really beautiful.

I think all the things in this park are really nice. What do you think of it？

王泉老师点评：

本次作文要求学生以新学的进行时态为主要时态，介绍某一活动场面。作者着眼点小，抓住出游的小场景，介绍人物与环境。这样的处理方便恰当地使用进行时态。文章笔调细腻，将那一刻各色人物的活动及景致如徐徐展开的画面生动形象地展示在读者面前，值得一赞！

但要注意一些常见错误，如重读闭音节单词加后缀未先双写最后一个字母、单复数混用；注意习惯用法，避免逻辑问题。

修改稿：

Today is a sunny day. The weather is pretty good. There are lots of children in the park.

Look！ That girl and her friends are playing under the tree. They are singing and dancing. They look very happy. Some boys are playing soccer. Some are playing basketball. Look！ The basketball is rolling in the small river！ One of the boys is swimming to get it. It is too dangerous.

Oh！There are a lot of butterflies. They are flying over the grass and the small river. They are really beautiful. What an attractive picture it is！

I think all the things in this park are really nice. Would you like to come and join them？