短文习作：patience

刘玉

请根据以下提示，并结合你生活中的一个事例，用英语写一篇短文。

Only those who have the patience to do simple things perfectly ever acquire the skill to do difficult things easily. —Friedrich Schiller

注意 1. 无须写标题；

2. 除诗歌外，文体不限；

3. 内容必须结合你生活中的具体事例；

4. 文中不得透露个人姓名和学校名称；

5. 词数不少于120，如引用提示语则不计入总词数。

审题 根据题目，我们先确定人称、时态、结构等一系列事项：

首先我们可以知道这是一篇开放式作文，文章应采用夹叙夹议的写作手法，这种题目通常采用第一人称，时态一般需要两种，举例部分用一般过去时，而总结部分应该用一般现在时；从作文题目来分析，本文的主题应为：Patience gained from doing the simple things makes a big difference in doing difficult ones， which is where your success starts.

文章的结构应为：

第一段：提出观点。（2～3句）

第二段：叙述一段结构清晰、主题鲜明的个人经历。（6～8句）

第三段：夯实观点，回应开头。（2～3句）

接着我们可以列出要点和提纲，即哪些东西需要写，哪些东西不需要写，做到心中有数。

注意事项 1. 合理使用高级词汇，灵活运用各种句型，增加文章的闪光点；

2. 注重句式的变化，各种句式交替使用，体现语言的节奏感；

3. 注意选好过渡词，以使文章过渡自然，层次清楚，主次分明。

Occasions are not rare when we face the hardships， which we should get through with patience. When we are dealing with affairs， we are achieving our ambitious goals in the meanwhile.

①Walking in the memory lanes， I could clearly remember there was a period when I almost lost all my patience. ②At the beginning of my high school life， I take it for granted that I would become a top student with burning ambitious kept in mind. ③There came my first exam. ④Knowing that I got a real bad scores， I threw myself into sadness. ⑤Then came my helpful teacher， she told me that study is a process requiring patience. ⑥“If I do the little things patiently， Ill achieve far beyond I could. ” ⑦Hearing this， my courage returned again. I decided to make the best of everything. To my surprise， I became the first in the mid-term exam.

⑧Thanks to the patience， it taught me a significant lesson. ⑨If you do every little things patiently， you are bound to harvest a wonder beyond imagination.

点评 这篇属于四档作文，得分为24分。这位同学能够结合事例，比较清楚地表达自己的观点，句式丰富，但存在着较多的语法结构和词汇上的错误。

1. 第①句中的could和第②句中的take均属于时态错误，应分别改为can和took。

2. 第②句中的ambitious是词性错误，应改为名词ambition。

3. 第③句的There应改为Then。

4. 第④句的scores、第⑧句的lessons和第⑨句的things属于单复数错误，应分别改为score，lesson和thing。

5. 第⑤句中语法错误，she应改为who。

6. 第⑥句尽量不要用直接引语，应改为间接引语，变I为you。

7. 第⑦句return和again有意思上的重复，应改为I regained my courage。

8. 第⑨句并非最佳表达，最好改为：Only if you do every little thing patiently are you bound to harvest a wonder beyond imagination.

There is no doubt that ability is the key to our success. However， as far as I am concerned， its the patience to do simple things perfectly that counts more.

When it comes to this， my memories come flooding into my mind. There was a time when I had trouble in study. However hard I tried， I couldnt live up to my expectations. Depressed and worried， I went to my teacher for help. She pointed out that I was always eager to do difficult problems but ignored the easy ones， which resulted in my failure. Since then， I changed my stratedy and paid more attention to simple things. My efforts are paying off.

From my experience， I know that only when we can do the simple things well are we more likely to do the difficult things easily.

点评 该生作文属于五档作文，得分为28分。这位同学结合事例，清楚地表达了自己的观点，应用了较丰富的语法结构，如名词性从句、定语从句、状语从句、强调句型、倒装句、非谓语动词等。另外，还使用了许多高级词汇，如flooding，reflected on等。该生恰当地使用了语句间的连接成分，全文结构紧凑。当然也有个别错误，但不影响意思的表达。如：第二段第二句应改为I had trouble with my study。第二段最后一句应改为Since then， I have changed my strategy and paid more attention to simple things.

When it comes to the key to success， the most important thing lies in doing every simple thing well. Doing simple things may help us develop good qualities needed in undertaking difficult and important task.

When I was young， my mother always nagged me how to do some housework well， which I was fed up with. One day，after I finished washing dishes in the kitchen， my mother criticized me that if I didnt do such a simple thing perfectly，it was impossible for me to undertake any difficult task. My later life reminded me that my mother was right. It was by doing simple things well that I gained many fine qualities to do something difficult，of which the most important one was patience.

From my perspective，under no circumstances should we undervalue the power of doing simple things. Instead we should regard them as the requirement of success.