飞机上的八种噩梦般的邻座

Let me begin by promising you that I am not an angry person. I would actually vow that I am inherently happy and all-around quite friendly and nice. But one thing that really grinds my gears is being seated next to a nightmare neighbor on an airplane.

首先我要澄清一点：我天生是个乐观友善的人，不易发怒。但在飞机上遇到噩梦般的邻座却是令我忍无可忍的事。

1. The Sleeping Beauty

1.“睡美人”

Airplane seats are uncomfortable， restricting and not equipped to be shared， so watch out when your unconscious neighbor slowly tilts his or her head in your direction. You could be in for a game of seesaw as you attempt to politely prop up your sleeping beauty. When all else fails， place an airplane blanket or neck pillow between the two of you because， well， it’s better than sharing your shoulder.

飞机座位通常不太舒适且空间狭小仅能容一人。邻座熟睡时总会不知不觉把脑袋往你身上靠，你却像玩跷跷板似的，小心翼翼撑住这个“睡美人”。无计可施时，拿毯子或颈枕挡在中间，总好过让他来分享你的肩膀。

2. The Talker

2. 话痨

Earplugs. This Chatty Cathy might be looking to make a friend， find a romance in the air or just wants to tell you all about how her daughter just moved to Chicago and is “loving it！”. Whatever the motive is， this person genuinely wants to make some sort of sky-high connection and is sure to be so taken aback by your rude， uninterested behavior that she will shut down. Arm yourself with something to drown out the sound so you can send a signal that this plane ride is all about sleeping.

戴上耳机是个办法。这位“喋喋不休的凯西”可能想交个朋友，或来场高空艳遇，或只是想告诉你她女儿刚搬去芝加哥，是如何热爱那座城市云云。无论动机为何，这个人就是想套近乎，如果你表现得不礼貌或兴趣寡然，她就会闭嘴。用耳机这样的东西武装自己，盖住那说话声，以便传递出一个信息：乘飞机时只想睡觉。

3. The ADHD Child

3. “多动症儿童”

It’s not cute when a stranger’s little chatterbox is looking to make a friend on the plane at 3 am. It might make you the grinch from 10，000 feet above sea level， but throw on your snooze mask before the kid has a chance to make eye contact. He is not so innocent.

凌晨3点，身边陌生乘客的小孩却准备打开话匣子和你交个朋友，这可一点也不可爱。这可能会让你在海拔1万英尺的高空兴致败坏。这时你只能装睡，不让他有机可乘。他可没有表面上看来那么天真无邪。

4. The Snorer

4. 打鼾者

As painfully obvious as the snorer is on this list of nightmares， he or she is equally as hard to spot. You will already be strapped in and mid-air before this literal loud mouth assaults the quiet air. The real question in this situation is： to tap， or not to tap？ There’s nothing worse than being startled awake， so we suggest gently nudging this person and then quickly pretending it wasn’t you， or blaming it on someone else. “Oh， the snacks were coming around， they wanted to know if you wanted some Popchips！”

打鼾者是这个怪咖清单上极常见的一种，但是你却很难发现他（她）。你系好安全带飞上高空时，刺耳的鼾声便打破了空中的寂静。当你隔壁鼾声阵阵时，真正的问题来了：要不要拍醒他（她）？要知道没有什么比被惊醒更糟糕的了。建议你轻轻推醒他（她），然后马上假装成若无其事的样子，或推说乘务员刚过来问他（她）是否需要来点薯片什么的。

5. The Smelly Food Eater

5. “怪味食客”

Travelers are boarding with bagged lunches or dinners more and more often. We totally support saving money and being prepared， but we can’t support food that tickles our senses. Be polite and opt for cold or room-temperature bites. Eat early up in the flight and dispose of your trash quickly.

现在带餐登机的旅客越来越多。节约钱和做好准备无可非议。但请别选择热食或有刺激性气味的食物。在飞机上尽早吃完所带食物，并立刻处理好垃圾才是礼貌的做法。

6. The Diva

6.“大牌女神”

Here is one frequent flier you actually can spot from a mile away. She’s toting designer luggage （and needs your help to store it）， expects everyone on the plane to work for her and is the last to switch her cell phone into Airplane Mode. You have two options： be a good Samaritan and assist her when she asks things of you or steer her towards her other neighbor. It won’t drown her out， but it will make her someone else’s problem！

这种人能经常碰到，而且你大老远就能把她们辨别出来。她手拉名牌行李箱（需要你帮她放好），希望飞机上的每个人都来为她服务，而且总是最后一个把手机调成飞行模式。你有两个选择：你可以选择当好人做好事；也可以把这个包袱踢给别人，自然有人领受。

7. The Excessive Drinker

7. 酒鬼

There’s nothing wrong with slurping down a nice， stiff drink， but if you aren’t headed to Vegas， an in-flight over-imbiber isn’t cool. This hazard can escalate quickly： it’s loud， violates your personal space and you are likely to wake a zonked-out and unwelcome cuddler， unaware excretion spewer or even worse （uh， use your imagination）. Make friends with a flight attendant and make sure this wasted rider gets cut off before the fourth drink.

在飞机上适度喝点酒也无可厚非，但若你不是去维加斯，在飞机上遇见个酒鬼就不是什么妙事了。事态会迅速愈演愈烈的：在飞机上闹闹嚷嚷，侵犯你的个人空间。你可能会不得不去叫醒神志不清趴在你身上睡觉的醉鬼，他可能还会迷迷糊糊地不断呕吐，甚至更糟（啊，发挥你的想象力吧）。建立与乘务员的友好关系，以确保邻座喝酒不超过三杯。

8. The In-Flight Primper

8. 空中化妆者

She seems like your average gal and then an hour before touch-down her in-flight tray looks like her bathroom counter. She’s doing her nails （oh that smell！） and trying to apply mascara through turbulence. And then she drops her lipstick on your jeans and asks you if you think she looks pretty. Just say yes. It’s easier than the truth.

她看起来是个很普通的女孩。飞机还有一小时要着陆的时候，身边这位姑娘就会搬出她的“化妆台”。她涂指甲油时那个气味呀！飞机颠簸的时候还刷睫毛膏，还将口红掉你裤子上。她问你她漂不漂亮，就说漂亮吧，这比说实话省事。