短文习作：Dream

汪璇

根据下列提示，并结合事例，用英语写一篇短文。

The poor man is not the man without a cent， but the man without a dream. Only when he  takes action can he achieve his dream.

注意：①无须写标题;

②除诗歌外，文体不限;

③内容必须结合你生活中的一个事例;

④文中不得透露个人姓名和学校名称;

⑤词数不少于120，如引用提示语则不计入总词数。

[思路点拨]

1. 审题谋篇

本篇作文审题的关键在于后一句话，有梦想还要通过采取行动才能实行，不能空有梦想。因此在写作时，同学们应该先表明自己的梦想，然后叙述自己通过哪些实际行动实现或者接近了梦想。此类作文通常采取三段式结构：引言—主体—结尾，即第一段引出话题，第二段紧扣话题叙述事例，第三段小结主题。

2. 写作技巧

①紧扣话题。考试中同学们务必读懂英文意思，紧扣话题中心，切勿跑题、偏题，这是写好作文的第一步。

②草拟提纲，构思篇章。在正式答卷之前，可以简单地在草稿纸上列出提纲，把中心词、关键短语、精彩句型罗列出来，这样可以尽可能地保持卷面整洁干净。

③运用短语，行文流畅。书面表达重在达意，恰当地使用些连词短语使得文章衔接自然。要避免中式英文表达。

④丰富词汇，句型多变。尽量用不同的词汇表达同一含义，同时尽可能多地使用较为复杂的句型。倒装、强调句、三大从句等的正确使用无疑会给作文增色不少。

Dreaming makes those who struggle for it. As far as I am concerned， the one who own and be eager for their dream is doomed to succeed， no matter how severe the journey will be.

As for me， I have such a dream that one day in the future， I， as a successful gentleman stand on the top of the Dubai tower， looking down on the lives which are as small as the cell. As someone put it， success lies in hard work while laziness leads to failure. In addition， the god will always bless those who try out for dreams， so what I ought to do is to achieve it and stick to it. Every time I made much progress in the exams I was so proud of myself. It is one step for me from dream to reality you know.

Dreams dreamed by many people， but only belong to the prepared. There must be quantities of difficulties in the future， but life isnt about how to live through the storm， but how to dance in the rain. Therefore we need to take action to improve ourselves and it was in this way that our dream can come true.

点评  这篇短文涵盖了题目给出的所有信息，句子与段落之间使用了恰当的过渡词，整篇文章衔接紧密，文字流畅自然。虽然结合自身事例部分描述得不够细致，但是全文运用了多处高级句式和表达，仍不失为一篇优秀的学生习作。

1. 多处短语的准确使用。As far as I am concerned“据我所知”，be eager for sth“渴望，渴求某物”，is doomed to do sth“注定必定”，as sb put it“正如某人所说，按照某人的说法”。no matter how引导的让步状语从句等。另外，这里的从句用一般现在时态即可，需要把will be改为is。

2. 从句及非谓语动词的准确使用。I have such a dream that这里that引导同位语从句;looking down分词作伴随状语，增加了句式的变化;而which引导定语从句;Every time作为连词引导时间状语从句。类似的用法还有each time/the first time/the last time/the winter/the spring+从句。例如：Each time I see you， I will remember the happy time we spent together.

3. 强调句型的准确使用。同学们在平时的写作练习中，也可以尝试强调句的其他结构，比如有疑问词的强调句，一般疑问句等。

As you know， everybody has their own dream. My dream is to be a doctor. Each time I see the person fighting against the disease， I always want to help them.

As far as I am concerned， it is difficult for me to become a doctor， because it needs the careful and specialty. On the contrary， I always make mistakes because of carelessness. But I think I can do it. I am an active boy keep pursuing what I really dream despite of difficulties. On no account I should give up. There is an old saying， “nothing is difficult if you put your heart into it”. I will try my best to be good enough to become a doctor. And one day my dream will be come true.

I always hold the view that little action can make a big difference. Only when we try our best can the dream realized.

点评  这篇短文基本完成了写作要求，主题内容与提示吻和，能正确使用on the contrary，make a big difference等词组，但是有部分词性和搭配错误，需要进一步加强词汇搭配以及语法结构的学习。

成为一名医生需要细心及专业，第二段第一句里的careful应该改为carefulness，词性错误。

第二段第四句是一个定语从句，修饰boy，应补上关系代词who引导定语从句，作从句的主语。另外此句混淆了despite和in spite of的区别，应该改为in spite of the difficulties。

倒装结构使用错误。否定词否定短语置于句首，应该使用部分倒装结构，第二段第五句应该改为on no account should I give up。

错误使用了realize和come true。realize和come true都有实现理想、愿望的含义，但是两者用法不同。realize是及物动词，常用于sb realize sth这种结构;come true是不及物动词词组，通常用来表示理想、愿望的实现，在句中直接做谓语即可。所以第二段最后一句和最后一段第二句分别应改为：And one day my dream will come true./And one day I will realize my dream.和Only when we try out best can our dream come true./Only when we try our best can we realize our dream.

[范文]

The poor man is not the man without a cent， but the man without a dream. Dreams wait for no man， so we should take action right now to fulfill our dreams.

When I first attended the high school， I have been dreaming of being admitted into a key university and study abroad. The first time I was laughed in the English class because of my poor English， I decided to speak English as fluently as a native speaker. Immediately， I made up my mind， setting out to look for resources online. Gradually， I improved my pronunciation by listening and reading again and again. It is amazing that I even won the first prize in the English speech contest at the end of last term. Now I am sure if I go on bending my mind to practicing English， I can realize my dream after my graduation.

In conclusion， only when you dream big will you do your best. Now， take action and dream is bound to come true.