LONELY STRUGGLE

By+Yuan+Yuan

A series of suicides by employees of me- dia outlets in China over the past few months have shocked the public. Most of the deceased have been confirmed to have been suffering from depression.

Song Bin， Editor in Chief of xinhua News Agencys Anhui Bureau， was found dead on April 28， with a suicide note by his side.

xu xing， the 35-year-old Deputy Editor in Chief of Dushi Kuaibao daily in Hangzhou， east Chinas Zhejiang Province， had been suffering from depression for years according to xus family and friends and eventually committed suicide on May 4.

Zhang Jingwu， head of the Shenzhen Press Group Circulation Co.， was found dead on May 8 in what appeared to be a suicide. Zhang had served at the newspaper for 20 years. One of his former coworkers said that he suspected Zhang had been suffering from depression.

Peoples Daily， a leading newspaper in China， reported on May 10 that the number of people with depression had exceeded 90 million in the country. Figures from the Beijing Suicide Research and Prevention Center also revealed that 287，000 people in China commit suicide every year and 40 percent of them are suspected of suffering from depression.

Familiarity

In 2005， Cui yongyuan， a famous talk show host with state broadcaster CCTv， admitted to have been suffering from depression， bringing the illness into the limelight and helping many in China to better understand it.

In 2006， while Cui was on stage as part of a comedy sketch for the CCTv Spring Festival Gala， an entertainment show broadcast on the Chinese Lunar New years Eve that has billions of viewers， his partner for the performance Song Dandan jokingly remarked to Cui “I heard youve got depression，” making the word even more familiar to the public by approaching it light-heartedly.

“Till now， peoples knowledge of depression has been very limited，” Cui said in an interview with Art Life， a CCTv program.

Cui said that his depression might result from the high-pressure work environment being a Tv host puts him under. The long， extended periods under stress make it difficult for him to get sleep， he commented. “I spent those nights awake， from darkness to sunrise，” Cui said.

“Many people think of it as a psychological disease， but this is not accurate，” Cui noted. “It results from the lack of a certain chemicals in the brain， which are responsible for peoples emotions.”

The chemicals that Cui mentioned are the neurotransmitters dopamine， seratonin and norepinephrine. Deficiencies in any one of these can cause a neurotransmitter imbalance that causes adverse effects on a persons mood as a result.endprint

Neurotransmitters are a group of chemicals used by the brain so that different regions can communicate with each other. When certain neurotransmitters are in short supply or otherwise behaving abnormally， this may lead to a number of mood disorders， including clinical depression.

“There is still no consensus about the cause of depression，” said ye Bin， a psychologist from East China Normal University in Shanghai.“Although physical changes might be the causes for some patients， this is not the case for everyone.”

According to ye， abuse， stress， grief caused by the loss of something or someone， a bad diet and diseases can all cause depression.

Suffering

Wang yami worked in Shanghai in 2006 where she made and delivered presentations to potential investors. “I felt like Id been bragging all day， and it really affected my mood，” Wang said. “I asked myself why would I do this？”

Wang eventually left her job and stayed at home. “Every day I lay on my sofa and thought about the past. I regretted everything and cried all day long，” Wang recalled. The bad mood caused her to lose a lot of weight and affected her appetite.

When Wang told her friends that she might have depression， nobody took it seriously. “They thought it was because I had too much spare time and I just wanted to wallow in self-pity and call it depression，” Wang said.

Unfortunately for Wang， things continued to get worse and she saw her temper deteriorate. She used to be a rational and patient person， but after coming down with depression， she fought with everybody around her over tiny issues. She even got involved in accidents when driving due to inability to focus， something that had never happened to her before the breakdown.

When Wang found herself unable to even take a shower or take care of herself properly， she was sure it was a disease and not just a bad mood.

“I sat up in bed， and put my feet on the floor and then I felt too afraid to move and wanted to lie back in bed， but I saw my feet were still on the floor and I started crying when I realized I couldnt even get out of bed，” Wang said.

Wang went online to check the symptoms of depression—not being able to sleep， a loss of appetite， an inability to be interested in or enjoy anything， a perpetual bad mood—but none of these can fully express the reality of suffering from depression.

“you have to experience it yourself to real- ize how horrible the feeling is，” Wang said. “Even winning the lottery wouldnt have made me feel better.”endprint

In early 2013， Wang began to plan for her suicide and collected all the drugs that she could get. “Thinking about death made me feel peaceful and I thought it was the best decision，” said Wang， who shared her thoughts with her friend Li Minxi. Li told Wang that the desire to commit suicide was not really her idea， it was the depression making the decision for her.

Li， a writer， also suffers from depression. His affliction began in 2009. When he was writing a novel in a remote place in southwest Chinas Sichuan Province in May 2008， an 8.0-magnitude earthquake hit Sichuan and Li was buried alive until he was rescued 76 hours later.

Several months after he was saved， Li found himself possessed by strange thoughts and idea. His apartment at the time was on the 35th floor and he could not help thinking about jumping out of the window over and over， according to Li.

“It is like my body was controlled by a devil，”Li said. “Whenever I was awake， the devil was there.”

Lis family and friends couldnt understand him and thought he was just seeking attention from others.

“I knew I should cherish life more after I was saved， but I didnt and nobody understood me，”Li said.

Wang， despite all her sufferings， considers herself as relatively active and positive in seeking treatment. She read all the books that she could find on depression and went to see doctors.

In her imagination， the psychological clinic for depression was decorated in warm colors， but to her disappointment， it was no different from regular hospitals.

“Before I stepped into the clinic， I waited for three hours， thinking about the questions the doctor would ask，” Wang said. “Like my childhood experience and my family.”

But the whole treatment process only lasted three minutes. The doctor simply asked about her sleeping and her mood and gave her a form with 100 questions to fill in.

“After he reviewed the form I handed in， he told me I was suffering for a mid-level depression and gave me a prescription immediately，” Wang said. “It is no different from treating a cold. How could I trust a doctor like this？”

The same happened to Li. “I had been waiting for three hours and could only talk with the doctor for five minutes. During our conversation， the doctor even looked out the door to check how many patients were still waiting，” Li said. He complained that， for patients suffering from depression who are already fragile， the attitude of medical professionals can only add to their anxiety and distrust toward them.endprint

Li went through a number of doctors and each doctor of them had a different method for diagnosing and treating depression.

“One said that he only trusts emotions and another does not trust emotions at all. One said that mind can control everything and another said that mind is weak，” Li said. “It was very confusing and I had no idea which treatment would be suitable for me.”

There are an estimated 350 million people suffering from depression all over the world， but less than 50 percent get effective treatment. However， although the exact cause is not always the same， there are a number of medications on the market that can be used almost universally. Compared to long-term psychological therapy， taking anti-depressants or other medication is becoming increasingly more acceptable， or even preferable， to patients.

Li Cheng was 23 years old when she was diagnosed with depression in 2007. She refused to take medicine at first. “It is definitely a mental problem， so how can the medicine change anything？” she thought. As her symptoms worsened， however， she finally gave in and decided to give medication a chance.

To Li Chengs surprise， the medicine took effect quickly. On the 10th day after she began taking it， she was already feeling considerably better. “The feeling of mental recovery is totally different from that of physical recovery， it is like your soul has been revived，” she said.

Li Cheng is one of the lucky ones， as she got the right medicine quickly. Normally， a patient needs to go through a trial period for their medication—a doctor gives the patient some medicine to try， if it doesnt work， they can change to an alternative. Less than 50 percent of patients find the medicine that works best for them the first time round.

Zhang Jin， a deputy editor of Caixin， a business magazine， suffered from depression for years and he shared the treatment process he went through by writing about it online.

Zhang Jin described how the first doctor gave three different medicines to try， but he didnt feel any improvement， even after two months. Eventually he went to another doctor and finally saw results.

Debate

“People can accept long-term treatment for diabetes or high blood pressure but refuse to do the same for mental illnesses， it is just a matter of acknowledgement，” said Jiang Tao， a psychiatrist with Beijing Anding Hospital， a mental health facility.

Wu Zhihong， a psychiatrist from Guangzhou， who suffered from depression while he was studying psychology at Peking University in the late 2000s， disagrees. “Most patients got depression from something that happened to them， doctors should help find the root of the problem instead of simply giving them drugs.”endprint

Wu cured his depression by himself. “As a psychology postgraduate， I looked deeply into my memories and mind and analyzed them to find the possible causes for my depression，” Wu said. “I eventually recovered and I now use the same method on my patients.”

Wang Gang， Director of the Depression Study Center at Beijing Anding Hospital， thinks that treatment should be the combination of both methods. “Taking medicine works sometimes but it is just a basic step. To find the right treatment， you need to find the right psychiatrist.”

Unfortunately， finding the right doctor is no easy task. The number of certified psychiatrists is only 20，000 in China and most of them practice in big cities such as Beijing， Shanghai and Guangzhou in Guangdong Province.

According to Wang Gang， more than half of the patients with depression in Beijing Anding Hospital are from other places in China. In 2006， the hospital set up its Depression Study Center.

Many people think educated or middleclass people are more susceptible to depression， but this is not true. “The majority of patients are from rural areas and live in poverty， who are under pressure as they struggle for their livelihood. But their knowledge of depression is limited so only a small number go to see doctors，” said Wang Gang.

Some scholars have tried to explain depression from a more positive angle. Emotions， like the other physical functions of human beings， are just adjustments to changes in environment， according to Chen Rongxia， a philosophy professor at Shanghai Normal University. Chen believes that a light depression can help individuals to relax and be more adaptable to changes.

“Just like pain， it is not a pleasant feeling， but it helps people to protect themselves，”Chen said.

Wang yami said that she is grateful for her depression： Without it， she might have stuck to a mundane and routine life which she hated； she might not have got a divorce， but continued on with her unhappy marriage. Fighting against her depression also gave her a new lease of life.

“Ive got along with my depression and found some positive aspects to it. Ive struggled roughly but as long as we get out of it， we are more positive than other people，” said Wang yami.

Li Cheng echoed Wang yami by saying that now she feels more satisfied with her life after depression made her more appreciative of happiness.

“Modern medical theory requires doctors to treat the person， not only the disease， and this requires they analyze more about the patient，”said Wang Gang. “When a person jumps to their death， we cant simply say it is because they had depression. This is irresponsible and brushes the issue under the rug.”endprint