英语考场高分作文攻略之情景作文

徐雪梅

情景作文，即看图写作，是高考英语书面表达题的常见形式，要求同学们根据对图画内容的细心观察，充分发挥自己的想象力和理解力，深刻理解作者通过图画所传达的信息，进而有条理、有重点、生动准确地把图画内容加工成书面语言。这类题一般提供4—6幅图，画面内容通常涉及日常生活，甚至大多数是同学们自己经历过的。本文将以北京卷情景作文为例，详细探讨情景作文的写作技巧。

一、高考情景作文评分标准（以北京卷为例）

（一）评分总原则

1.本题总分为20分，按5个档次给分。

2.评分时，先根据文章的内容和语言质量初步确定其档次，然后以该档次的要求来衡量，确定或调整档次，最后给分。

3.评分时应考虑内容要点的完整性、上下文的连贯性、词汇和句式的多样性及语言的准确性。

4.拼写、标点符号或书写影响内容表达时，应视其影响程度予以考虑。英、美拼写及词汇用法均可接受。

5.词数少于60，从总分中减去1分。

（二）高分作文的给分要求

二、情景作文写作流程

· 例题· 假设你是李华，光明中学的学生。寒假期间你参加了社区居委会组织的社区服务活动。请你按照图片顺序，以“Community Service”为题，向学校英文校刊投稿，介绍这次活动的情况。

注意：1. 文章开头已为你写好；2. 词数不少于60；3. 参考词汇（sports facilities体育设施）。

During the winter vacation， the students in our class joined in the meaningful activity， in which all of us did our bit for the community.

（一）审中文信息，确定几大要素

“磨刀不误砍柴工”，审题是否清楚是一篇书面表达成功与否的关键所在，在整个写作过程中起着决定性作用。审题时要做到以下几点：

1. 审要求

书面表达试题一般都由“情景”和“要求”两部分构成。“情景”中包括所写材料的目的、对象、时间、地点、内容等，一般在题目的前半部分；而“要求”一般在题目的后半部分，以“注意”的形式给出。因而考生对题目所提供的说明，应认真分析、反复推敲，弄清楚提出的内容要求，抓住所要表达的信息点。

2. 审文体

高考书面表达的体裁一般有记叙文、说明文和应用文三大类，具体形式有便条、日记、通知、书信、人物描写、事件讲述、看图说话、缩写、扩写、改写等。审题时要审清文体，注意每种文体的不同格式。

3. 审人称

审查题干中隐含的读者对象和撰写人，即此篇文章是由谁写给谁的。写稿人是谁一般都已明确指出，如“假设你是李华”，写作时即用第一人称“我”。而读者对象有时没有明示，要同学们自己去判断。

4. 审时态

根据情景判断短文需要的主体时态，即搞清楚要写的是什么时候的事。例如，日记是叙述过去发生的事情，自然要用过去时，而通知多用将来时。

针对例题，审题结果如下：

（二）审图片信息，列出写作提纲

写作文时，一定要切题，紧扣中心，抓住要点；不要任意发挥，画蛇添足，也不要丢三落四，使得要点不全。要通过对提示或图画、图表的观察和分析，获取与写作内容有关的主要信息，并按一定的逻辑顺序排列起来，列出写作提纲并构思结尾。

注意：不要添加与图无关的细节，例如针对图1添加一句“We kept talking until midnight. The grandma invited us to dinner...”，这是画蛇添足的表现。

（三）选词组句，连句成篇，形成初稿

在体裁明确、中心突出、要点清晰的前提下，应该选择自己最熟悉、最有把握的词语和句型，将要点逐条表达出来。表达时，应该综合运用所掌握的知识，避开生僻的词汇，并克服母语的干扰，用地道的英语表达出来，力求做到语言准确无误；根据要点選词组句，然后按照篇章结构连句成篇。在这一过程中，要注意选择恰当的表示并列、递进、因果或转折意义的过渡词（如and，then，but，however，besides，thus，soon，first，second，finally等），把所有要点、句子连接起来，使句子之间意思连贯，文章结构衔接得好，力求条理清楚，脉络清晰，层次分明。

下面我们来看看一位同学针对例题写出的作文：

During the winter vacation， the students in our community joined in the meaningful activity， in which all of us did our bit for our community.

①In her home， we went to visit an old lady. We swept the floor and wiped the windows. One of us chatted with her and the rest helped do a cleaning. Then the house looked really neat and tidy.

②There are different sports facilities which needed polishing. Then we went to the sports center. Soon everything was clean. We also picked up the rubbish on the grass.

③We put up New Year decorations on the board and a poster with “Happy New Year” on it. The Spring Festival was around the corner.

④Although we were tired， we felt happy. Having done all these， we saw a more pleasant community.

点评：这篇作文覆盖了内容要点，但缺少部分细节；简单连接，内容连贯，句与句之间连接自然；词汇润色不够，还有添加的余地；虽然有一些用词错误，但不影响理解，达到了预期的写作效果；较好地完成了写作任务——属于三档文（12分）。

（四）修改初稿，给文章润色

第一，对自己的初稿进行润色，可以从以下三个方面着手：一润句式（使用从句、非谓语、特殊句式等），强化语言感染力；二润词汇（准确使用较高级的单词、词组和丰富的表达），提高语言质量；三润过渡、关联（使用恰当的过渡词和过渡句），使文章结构清晰、情节发展自然。第二，可以从每个具体活动的原因、目的和活动后的结果进行合理的展开，添加必要的细节，让全文语言更生动、内容更具体。第三，在结尾段，真切自然地表达个人的真实感受、收获、责任，活动的重要性和意义等，以升华情感，增强文章的力度。

根据这三个修改步骤，上文的①—④段可改成：

①To begin with， we went to visit an old lady who lived alone. In her home， to keep her company， one of us was chatting with her over a cup of tea while the rest were helping do a cleaning， for （as） its a tradition for Chinese to have houses cleaned thoroughly before Spring Festival. Not only did we sweep the floor， dust the table but we also wiped the windows. After that， the house looked really neat and tidy.

②Then we went to the sports center where different sports facilities needed polishing. We set out to work at once. Soon everything was clean. Tired but eager to do more， we also picked up the litter on the grass， which would surely please all of the residents./ We completed this task because of the perfect teamwork.

③As the Spring Festival was around the corner， we put up New Year decorations on the billboard and a poster with “Happy Chinese New Year” on it. In no time the community was immersed in a happy， harmonious and festive atmosphere.

④Having done all these， we saw a more pleasant community. Although we were tired， we felt happy.

（五）復查纠错，精益求精

通读全文，检查内容是否符合要求，要点是否齐全，格式是否正确，词数是否合乎要求。最主要的是检查句子是否符合英语习惯，语法是否正确（包括句子结构、时态、语态、主谓一致等），单词是否误写、少写，习语搭配是否得当，字母大小写、标点符号是否正确等，这就要求考生在定稿前仔细核对，及时发现并改正问题。

（六）规范书写，保持卷面整洁

书面表达能力不仅反映在表达内容上，也反映在书写效果上。一定要做到书写规范，字迹工整，卷面整洁，标点符号使用正确，使别人看起来有耳目一新之感，从而提高自己的得分档次。

三、高分作文赏析

Throughout the vacation， we visited the homes of elderly people living alone. While most of us wiped the surfaces of doors， windows and tables and swept the floor， the most talkative of the group would sit down and chat with the owner of the house to keep him or her company. It was always such a delight to see their faces light up upon seeing us.

We also devoted a large part of our time to working outside in the neighborhood. Having been put into use for a long period， the outdoor community fitness center needed a great deal of cleaning. The dirt was hard to scrape off， but fortunately we brought a bucket of water with us， which made cleaning the sports facilities so much easier， though you wont believe how murky（混浊的） the water became in the end！ Afterwards， we went trash-hunting and filled the bin bags we brought with us with garbage found on the paths and patches of grass near the apartment buildings.

As the Spring Festival drew near， we helped put up the decorations. On the community notice boards were colorful posters that we had spent ages making and bore pictures of the tiger， the new years symbol. Whats more， we put up a long red banner（横幅、大标题） wishing everyone a happy Chinese New Year. Before long， the neighborhood was drowned in lively festive atmosphere.

After our work was done， everyone had so much to say and write about. There are some things that simply cant be achieved by hiding in your home playing computer games. You have to get out there and do something， and in our case， it was helping to make our community a lovelier place to live in.

點评：全篇结构完整，内容要点齐全，描述的语句丰富，上下文连贯，有效地使用了语句间的连接成分，各个段落之间、句与句之间契合性强，首尾照应。使用了较高级的词汇和短语，句式丰富，比如使用复合句、非谓语、介词短语等。全篇基本没有语法和用词错误，体现了较强的语言运用能力。语言地道流畅，无论是词语的使用还是句式的变化，都是水到渠成。

在剩下这段考前的冲刺时间里，建议同学们一方面在作文训练中大胆用词，变换句式，充分发挥语言的综合运用能力；另一方面经常找老师面批作文，改写二稿，其实修改的过程恰恰是写作水平快速提升的过程，好的文章一定是经过反复推敲的。对于情景作文，同学们可以整理以前写过的作文，按话题分类，归纳不同话题下常用的语言表达，背诵不同话题的范文，并将自己的作文与范文进行对比，争取在遣词造句、谋篇布局等方面不断突破。