“低头族”现象

2014-04-29廖英

高中生学习·高二版 2014年3期

廖英

近几年，高考书面表达命题形式逐渐由限制型向开放型过渡，给同学们提供了更大的发挥空间。作为开放性作文的一种形式，漫画作文往往要求同学们将有丰富寓意的图画转变成文字形式。以下让我们从科学技术这个话题切入来谈谈如何构思行文此类文章，请看下列话题：

请根据下面提示，写一篇短文，词数不少于120.

You are discussing the following picture with your friend Jim. Now you are telling him how you understand the picture and what makes you think so.

点拨漫画家往往从政治事件或生活现象中取材，通过夸张、比喻、象征、寓意等手法，表现为幽默、诙谐的画面，借以讽刺、批评或歌颂某些人和事。攻克此类文章的关键在于仔细分析、观察细节。通过仔细读图，我们可以把这幅漫画概括出以下三个内容要点：祖父的生日聚会；子孙晚辈都在场却个个为“低头族”；祖父很失望无助。这幅漫画的寓意是：当今社会人们迷恋电子产品，彼此间越来越冷漠。

把握了寓意后，接下来就应思考如何谋篇布局了。我们大体上可以将文章分为三段。第一段主要是读图，即描述漫画中的信息。第一句话应该开门见山地说明漫画中讨论的是什么事情，然后进一步描述细节，点明漫画的象征意义。第二段是全文的重点，可以具体分析图画中折射的社会现象： 1. 数码产品让人痴迷。2. 过度沉迷依赖科技产品的后果。同学们在提出一个总论点之后，可借助“firstly， secondly， thirdly”等形式提出分支论点，从而让观点更清晰具体。第三段是总结段落，应阐明自己的观点，如平衡科技和生活的关系。

习作一

As the picture shown， it is the day that every children should celebrate their grandfathers birthday， also should accompany with their grandfather， while his guys are all lost in playing their ceilphone！ What a ridiculous scene！ This phenomenon should be attached much importance by citizens.

Being too accustomed to their ceilphone， their mental and physical health will be seriously effected. The authentic world of internet couldnt give us the real and accessible comfort and motivation. We are under the control of those machine that has no emotion， no real sense. There is no escaping the fact that playing ceilphone will straightly hurt our eyes and sprain.

Instead of playing the ceilphone while we are available， we should do some energetic and beneficial activity， such as taking exercise， having a reading in a quiet afternoon when you are alone， all of these could also help us remove our attention to the electronic machine and do something meaningful.

点评这是一篇中档习作。其优点是：

1. 作者运用了一些高级词汇表达。高考作文中的高级词汇主要指的是高中阶段所学的词汇。也就是说作者能够很好的活学活用。如：available， accessible， phenomenon， be accustomed to.

2. 语言表达基本流畅，层次分明。每段都有一个主题句，观点明确。

3. 句式多样，巧用感叹句，激发情感上的共鸣，如：what a ridiculous scene！此外作者尝试运用了一些高级句式表达，如：there is no escaping the fact that...，以及第一段的it is the day that...这一强调句型。

不足之处是：

1. 个别表达不正确，基本知识掌握不牢固。拼写错误ceilphone，effected，正确形式应为cell phone， affected。此外，个别单复数对应不一致，如：every children， those machine， some activity。另外，一些固定短语识记不清楚，如attach importance to，作者运用过程中少了个to。accompany with sb 应改为accompany sb。

2. 在尝试一些高级表达过程中出现了一些错误，如：being too accustomed to their cell phone， their mental and physical health...，此处系表结构的动词短语在作状语而非主语，应去掉being。As the picture shown应改为 as is shown in the picture 或as the picture shows。

3. 第二段内容可以再充实一下，将电子产品带来的身体和心理上的危害更加具体化一些。同时也可以添加一下衔接过渡词，如：firstly， secondly，让观点更清晰。

习作二

As is shown in the drawing， at the Grandpas birthday party， the four children as well as their parents are just fixing their eyes on phone screens， leaving the old man sighing alone. What is to blame for spoiling the harmonious atmosphere？ Without doubt， it is peoples addiction to digital products.

With the technology developing rapidly， multifunctional cell phones are being wildly used. We can keep in touch with our friends and comment on current affairs despite the limitation of distance and time. But every coin has two sides. Gradually a controversial question arises-Do these advanced products indeed make our life simpler or happier？ Perhaps not. To begin with， being exposed to the screen for too long will do harm to our health， such as nearsightedness and pain in the neck. Secondly， absorbed in playing with cell phones， we may easily get distracted， which may lead to some safety concern especially when we are crossing the road. Last but not the least， we are so trapped in the virtual world that we may gradually lose the ability to communicate with others face to face

It is high time that we should reflect ourselves. While you are chatting with strangers online， why not set aside some time to talk with your parents？ As technology is created and developed to color our life rather than turn us into separate ones， making proper use of it is of critical importance.

点评这是一篇高档习作。

1. 本文结构清晰，衔接过渡自然。作者采用三段体，每个段落主题突出，各有侧重又紧密联系。同时每段主要采用主题句加支撑句的形式，很好的运用了逻辑衔接词，如：to begin with， secondly， last but not the least， while。

2. 本文词汇丰富多样，活学活用，作者语用意识强。如高级表达controversial； arise； fix...on； be exposed to； be absorbed in； be trapped in； set aside； comment on. 同时也有一些自己课外积累的表达，如harmonious， distract， virtual world， be of critical importance。

3. 长短句结合，抑扬顿挫。以下这些高级句型可供我们学习。

The four children …are just fixing…， leaving the old man sighing alone.（V-ing作状语）

With the technology developing rapidly…（with复合结构）

Being exposed to the screen for too long will do…（动名词作主语）

Absorbed in playing with cell phones， we may easily…（V-ed作状语）

It is high time that we should…（固定句型）

4. 巧用问句，频邀读者共思考。在写作技巧上，作者在每段中都和贴切的使用了一个问句，前两段中采用自问自答的形式，清晰表明自己观点看法。文末的反问句则邀请读者反思自身行为，达到了文断意不断的效果。

拓展高中英语教材中有不少关于科学技术的话题单元，如人教修订版必修2 Unit3 Computers，必修5 Life in the future，选修7 Unit2 Robots，选修8 Unit3 Inventors and inventions。同学们可回归课本的这些话题来激活相关词汇表达并打开自己的思维。同时，著名Ted演讲集里面也有关于此类话题的英语原声视频，如Sherry Turkle的Connected， but alone. 相信同学们观看后感触会更多更深。endprint