回家

by Rabindranath Tagore

For a boy of fourteen his own home is the only Paradise. To live in a strange house with strange people is 1）little short of torture， while the height of bliss is to receive the kind looks of women， and never to be slighted by them. It was 2）anguish to Phatik to be the unwelcome guest in his aunts house， despised by this elderly woman， and slighted， on every occasion. If his aunt asked him to do anything for her， he would be so overjoyed that he would overdo it； and then she would tell him not to be so stupid， but to get on with his lessons.

The 3）cramped atmosphere of neglect in his aunts house oppressed Phatik so much that he felt that he could hardly breathe. He wanted to go out into the open country and fill his lungs and breathe freely. But there was no open country to go to. Surrounded on all sides by Calcutta houses and walls， he would dream night after night of his village home， and long to be back there. He remembered the glorious meadow where he used to fly his kite all day long； the broad river-banks where he would wander about the livelong day singing and shouting for joy； the narrow brook where he could go and dive and swim at any time he liked. He thought of his band of boy companions over whom he was 4）despot； and， above all， the memory of that tyrant mother of his， who had such a prejudice against him， occupied him day and night. A kind of physical love like that of animals； a longing to be in the presence of the one who is loved； an inexpressible wistfulness during absence； a silent cry of the 5）inmost heart for the mother， like the lowing of a calf in the twilight； this love， which was almost an animal instinct， agitated the shy， nervous， lean， 6）uncouth and ugly boy. No one could understand it， but it preyed upon his mind continually.

There was no more backward boy in the whole school than Phatik. He gaped and remained silent when the teacher asked him a question， and like an over-laden ass patiently suffered all the blows that came down on his back. When other boys were out at play， he stood wistfully by the window and gazed at the roofs of the distant houses. And if by chance he 7）espied children playing on the open terrace of any roof， his heart would ache with longing.

One day he summoned up all his courage， and asked his uncle： “Uncle， when can I go home？”

His uncle answered； “Wait till the holidays come.” But the holidays would not come till November， and there was a long time still to wait.

One day Phatik lost his lesson-book. Even with the help of books he had found it very difficult indeed to prepare his lesson. Now it was impossible. Day after day the teacher would cane him unmercifully. His condition became so 8）abjectly miserable that even his cousins were ashamed to own him. They began to 9）jeer and insult him more than the other boys. He went to his aunt at last， and told her that he had lost his book. His aunt 10）pursed her lips in contempt， and said： “You great clumsy， country 11）lout. How can I afford， with all my family， to buy you new books five times a month？”

That night， on his way back from school， Phatik had a bad headache with a fit of shivering. He felt he was going to have an attack of malarial fever. His one great fear was that he would be a 12）nuisance to his aunt. The next morning Phatik was nowhere to be seen.

All searches in the neighbourhood proved 13）futile. The rain had been pouring in torrents all night， and those who went out in search of the boy got 14）drenched through to the skin. At last Bishamber asked help from the police.

At the end of the day a police van stopped at the door before the house. It was still raining and the streets were all flooded. Two 15）constables brought out Phatik in their arms and placed him before Bishamber. He was wet through from head to foot， muddy all over， his face and eyes flushed red with fever， and his limbs all trembling. Bishamber carried him in his arms， and took him into the inner apartments. When his wife saw him， she exclaimed； “What a heap of trouble this boy has given us. Hadnt you better send him home？”

Phatik heard her words， and sobbed out loud： “Uncle， I was just going home； but they dragged me back again，” The fever rose very high， and all that night the boy was 16）delirious. Bishamber brought in a doctor. Phatik opened his eyes flushed with fever， and looked up to the ceiling， and said vacantly： “Uncle， have the holidays come yet？ May I go home？”

Bishamber wiped the tears from his own eyes， and took Phatiks lean and burning hands in his own， and sat by him through the night. The boy began again to mutter. At last his voice became excited： “Mother，” he cried， “dont beat me like that！ Mother！ I am telling the truth！”

The next day Phatik became conscious for a short time. He turned his eyes about the room， as if expecting someone to come. At last， with an air of disappointment， his head sank back on the pillow. He turned his face to the wall with a deep sigh. Bishamber knew his thoughts， and， bending down his head， whispered：“Phatik， I have sent for your mother.”

The day went by. The doctor said in a troubled voice that the boys condition was very critical.

Phatik began to cry out： “By the mark！—three 17）fathoms. By the mark—four fathoms. By the mark—.” He had heard the sailor on the river-steamer calling out the mark on the plumb-line. Now he was himself plumbing an unfathomable sea.

Later in the day Phatiks mother burst into the room like a whirlwind， and began to toss from side to side and moan and cry in a loud voice. Bishamber tried to calm her agitation， but she flung herself on the bed， and cried： “Phatik， my darling， my darling.”

Phatik stopped his restless movements for a moment. His hands ceased beating up and down. He said： “Eh？”

The mother cried again： “Phatik， my darling， my darling.”

Phatik very slowly turned his head and， without seeing anybody， said： “Mother， the holidays have come.”

对于一个十四岁的男孩来说，自己的家就是唯一的天堂。和陌生人一起住在陌生的房子里简直就是一种折磨，而最大的欣喜不过是收获女人们投来的和善目光，且从不被其冷落。让法提克苦恼的是，作为舅妈家的不速之客，他无时无刻不受到这个老女人的鄙视和冷落。如果他的舅妈吩咐他帮忙做点什么事，他必定欣喜若狂地把事情做过头；但接着舅妈就会叫他不要这样犯傻，回去接着做完他的功课。

舅妈家这种备受忽视的狭隘气氛令法提克深感压抑，让他觉得几乎难以呼吸。他很想去往乡郊野外，让肺里充满新鲜空气，自由自在地呼吸。但是附近并没有什么乡郊野外能去。四周全都是加尔各答的房子和墙壁，而他却一晚接一晚地梦见他村庄里的家，深深渴望回到那里。他还记得那片美妙的草地，他常常整天在那里放风筝；那条宽阔的河岸，他会整天在那里漫步，唱着歌，欢叫着；还有那条狭窄的小溪，他能随心所欲地去那里跳水游泳。他想起那群由他所统领的男孩帮；而最重要的是，对他抱有满心偏见的专制母亲的记忆如今却日夜占据着他的脑海。这是一种如同动物般的本能的爱；一种能够待在所爱之人身边的渴望；一种离别期间无可名状的惆怅；一声对母亲的发自内心最深处的无声呼唤，如同牛犊在黄昏时刻的哞叫——这种爱几乎是一种动物的本能，搅得这个羞涩、紧张、瘦削、粗野难看的男孩心神不宁。无人能够理解这种感受，他的心神不断受其折磨。

在学校里再没有比法提克更加落伍的男孩了。当老师向他发问时，他张口结舌无言以对，就像一头负载过重的驴子，默默忍受着所有降落在他脊背上的鞭打。当其他孩子出去玩耍时，他总是若有所思地站在窗边，久久凝视着远方的屋顶。而如果偶尔看见孩子们在哪个屋顶的露天平台上玩耍时，他会渴慕而致心痛。

有一天他终于鼓起了所有的勇气，问他舅舅说：“舅舅，我什么时候才能回家？”

舅舅回答道：“等到假期来临吧。”但是假期要到十一月才到来，还要等好长一段时间呢。

一天，法提克把课本给弄丢了。即便有课本他都觉得预习功课相当困难，而现在则是完全不可能了。每天老师都会用教鞭无情地责打他。他的境况变得如此之凄惨，甚至连他的表兄弟们都以其为耻。他们开始嘲讽辱骂他，比起其他男孩来有过之而无不及。最后他只好找到舅妈并告诉她自己弄丢了课本。他的舅妈轻蔑地撅起嘴唇说：“你这个笨手笨脚的乡巴佬！即使用尽我的全部家当又怎么可能负担得起一个月给你买五次新书？”

那天晚上，在从学校回家的路上，法提克头疼欲裂，忍不住发抖。他觉得自己要得疟疾了，而他最害怕的事情就是会给舅妈带来麻烦。第二天早上没人见到法提克的踪影。在街坊四邻到处搜寻都无果。倾盆大雨已接连不断地下了整整一夜，所有参与搜寻这男孩的人全都被淋得透湿。最后比山博只得向警方求助。

那天将近结束时，一辆警车停在了屋门外。大雨还在下个不停，街道都被淹没了。两名警察从车里抱出了法提克，并将他交到了比山博的面前。他从头到脚全都湿透了，满身污泥，他的脸庞和双眼都烧得通红，他的手脚在不停颤抖。比山博抱起法提克将他带进里屋。当他妻子见到他时，大声惊叫道：“这个孩子给咱们带来了多少麻烦啊。把他送回家去不是更好吗？”

法提克听到了她的话，大声抽泣着说：“舅舅，我正要回家去呢，但是他们又把我给拽回来了。”由于烧得厉害，那天晚上这男孩一直神志不清。比山博请来了一位医生。法提克睁开他那由于高热而发红的眼睛，向上看着花板，神情茫然地说道：“舅舅，假期还没到来吗？我可以回家了吗？”

比山博从自己的眼里擦去了泪水，将法提克瘦小而滚烫的双手握在了自己手中，坐在他旁边直到天明。这男孩又开始嘟囔起来。他的声音终于变得激动起来：“妈妈，”他叫道，“不要那样打我！妈妈！我说的是真话！”

第二天，法提克变得清醒了一阵子。他打量着那个房间，似乎在期盼着什么人的到来。最后，带着一丝失望，他又将头埋进了枕头里。他深深地叹了口气，将脸转向了墙壁。比山博明白他的心思，于是垂下头来低语道：“法提克，我已经派人去叫你的母亲过来了。”

那天过去了。医生用忧虑的语气说，这男孩的病情十分危急。

法提克开始高喊道：“水深！——三英寻！水深——四英寻。水深——”他曾听过江轮上的水手叫喊铅垂线上的读数。现在他自己正在探索那片深不可测的海洋。

那天晚些时候，法提克的母亲像旋风般冲进了房间，开始一遍又一遍地大声悲叹叫喊着。比山博试图平复她的激动情绪，但是她猛扑向床上，高喊着：“法提克，我的宝贝，我的宝贝。”

法提克那不断的颤抖暂停了一小会儿。他的手不再上下拍打。他说道：“嗯？”

他母亲又一次喊道：“法提克，我的宝贝，我的宝贝。”

法提克缓缓地转过头，没看见任何人，只是张口说道：“妈妈，假期到来了。”