史上最不靠谱的六场战争

The Anglo-Zanzibar1 War

Fought between the United Kingdom and Zanzibar on 27 August 1896， the conflict lasted approximately 40 minutes， making it the shortest war in history. The immediate cause of the war was the death of the pro-British Sultan2 Hamad bin Thuwaini and the succession3 of Sultan Khalid bin Barghash. The British authorities preferred Hamud bin Muhammed as Sultan.

The ultimatum4 expired5 at 9：00 on 27 August， by which time the British had gathered three cruisers， two gunships， 150 marines and sailors， and 900 Zanzibaris in the harbor area. A bombardment6， which was opened at 9：02， set the palace on fire and disabled the defending artillery. The flag at the palace was shot down and fire ceased at 9：40. The Sultans forces received roughly 500 casualties， while only one British sailor was injured.

英桑战争

1896年8月27日，英国和桑给巴尔开战，战争持续了大约四十分钟，堪称史上最短的战争。引发战争的直接原因在于，亲英苏丹哈马德·本·杜威尼辞世后，哈立德·本·巴伽什继任苏丹，而英国当局则倾向于让哈茂德·本·穆罕穆德接任苏丹。

最后通牒的截止时间是8月27日上午9：00，当时英国军队已经在港口区集结了三艘巡洋舰、两艘炮舰、150名海军陆战队员和水兵，以及900名桑给巴尔雇佣兵。轰炸始于9：02，使皇宫着火，并瓦解了防御炮兵部队的抵抗。9：40，皇宫上悬挂的国旗被击落，轰炸停止。苏丹军队大约有五百人伤亡，而英军只有一名水兵受伤。

The Pig War

The Pig War was a fight in 1859 between American and British authorities over the boundary between the United States and British North America. The specific area in dispute was the San Juan Islands7， which lie between Vancouver Island and the North American mainland. The Pig War is so called because it was triggered by the shooting of a pig， who was the only “casualty” of the war， making the conflict basically bloodless.

猪之战

猪之战指的是1859年美国和英国当局针对美国和英属北美殖民地之间的边界问题而爆发的战争。存在争议的具体地区是位于温哥华岛和北美大陆之间的圣胡安群岛。之所以称这场战争为“猪之战”，是因为这是由一头猪被射杀而引发的战争。这头猪是这场战争中唯一的“伤亡者”，因而从根本上说，这是一次没有流血的冲突。

Thirty-Five Years War

The Three Hundred and Thirty-Five Years War （1651～1986） was a war between the Netherlands and the Isles of Scilly8. Although no shots were fired during the entire conflict， the lack of peace treaty extended the official war to 335 years—making it both the longest war in history as well as the war with the fewest casualties. Despite the uncertain validity9 of the declaration of war， peace was finally declared in 1986.

持续335年的战争

荷兰和锡利群岛曾爆发过一场耗时335年（1651～1986）的战争。尽管整个冲突期间未开过一枪一炮，但由于没有签订和平条约，这场名义上的战争延续了335年，使其成为历史上历时最长且伤亡最少的战争。虽然宣战的合法性不能确定，但双方最终于1986年宣告和好。

The Drunken War

The Drunken War refers to the Moldovan-Transdniestrian War， which ran from 1900 through to 1992. After the Soviet Union collapsed， two-thirds of Moldova wanted closer ties with the west. But the area of the country to the east of the Dniester River10 wanted to stay close to the Ukraine and Russia. War broke out， and the east split to form Transdniestria， which remains unrecognized by the world.

It was a weird war， as officers from both sides met every night to have a drink together. They went away in the morning and opened fire on each other. At night， they got together again to drink in honor of those they met the previous night and killed.

酗酒之战

酗酒之战指的是1900～1992年间爆发的摩尔多瓦内战。前苏联解体后，有三分之二的摩尔多瓦人想要和西方国家走得更近。但是该国德涅斯特河以东地区却想要与乌克兰和俄罗斯靠拢。战争爆发后，东部地区独立出来，成立了德涅斯特河沿岸共和国，但至今仍未得到世界各国的承认。

该战十分离奇：交战双方的军官每晚都会碰面，在一起喝酒，早上又各自离去，兵戎相见。到了晚上，他们又会聚在一起，为纪念那些前一晚他们遇见并死在他们手下的人而干杯。

Emu11 War

The Emu War， also known as the Great Emu War， was a week-long military operation undertaken in Australia in November 1932 to deal with public concern over the number of emus said to be running amuck12 in the Campion district of Western Australia. The “war” was conducted under the command of Major Meredith of the Royal Australian Artillery， commanding a force of soldiers armed with two Lewis machine guns13 and 10，000 rounds14 of ammunition15. But shooting blindly into a group of birds which can run up to 50 km/h did not bring about the expected results.

Over the course of a week or so， only a handful of the estimated 20，000 birds were actually killed. Major Meredith was astonished. After a few days the Defense Minister ordered a withdrawal， with the “Emu War” ending in a military defeat for Australia.

鸸鹋之战

鸸鹋之战，也被称为鸸鹋大战，是1932年11月澳大利亚采取的一项为期一周的军事行动，目的是应对公众关心的鸸鹋数量问题。据说澳大利亚西部堪培森地区的鸸鹋已经多得失去了控制。这场“战争”由澳大利亚皇家炮兵少校梅瑞迪斯指挥，装备有两挺刘易斯式机枪和一万发弹药的一队士兵在他的指挥下作战。但是对着奔跑时速可达50公里的鸟群盲目射击并没有达到预期的结果。

经过一周左右的奋战，只有少量的约两万只鸟被真正击毙，梅瑞迪斯少校对此感到非常吃惊。几天之后，国防部长下令撤军，这场鸸鹋之战以澳方战败收场。

War of 1812

The War of 1812 was in many ways the strangest war in the history of the United States. It could well be named the War of Faulty Communication. Two days before the war was declared， the British government stated that it would put an end to the laws which were the chief reason for fighting. If there had been telegraphic communication with Europe， the war might well have been avoided. The chief complaint of the United States against the British was interference with shipping. But New England， the great shipping section of the United States， bitterly opposed the idea of going to war.

It is strange also that the war， fought for freedom of the seas， began with the invasion of Canada. In addition， the treaty of peace that ended the war settled none of the issues over which it had supposedly been fought. Finally， both sides claimed victory in the War of 1812， so the whole struggle was a confused mass of contradictions.