十三钗

米尔豪瑟常常将幻想以美国人独有的腔调并入其作品的主题，很多魔幻情节在他的作品中出现过，比如游乐场的机械牛仔活了过来、孩子们在深夜里乘着魔毯飞出窗外，还有那个坐拥着13个老婆逍遥生活的男子。米尔豪瑟笔下的小说情节大都与现实悖行，却又附加于一个合理的主题之上助其表达，让人不得不感慨其文笔灵气逼人。本期推荐小说《十三钗》是米尔豪瑟2013年发表的最新作品，初读时不禁让小编想起了《鹿鼎记》中那个被七位老婆环绕的韦小宝。唯一不同的是，米尔豪瑟直接借由13个老婆不同的个性特点来表达人无完人的观点，而非《鹿鼎记》那般带有封建色彩。本期地道英文节选了小说的前三章让读者先睹为快，不知这美版的《鹿鼎记》能否让米尔豪瑟在中国再火一把呢？！

People sometimes ask， “Why thirteen wives？”“Oh，” I always say， putting on my brightest smile， “you cant have too much of a good thing！”

In truth， the answer is less simple than that， though the precise nature of the answer remains 5）elusive even to me. Whats clear is that I love my wives， each alone and all together， and cant imagine a life without all of them. Even though I married my wives one after the other， over a period of nine years， I never did so with the thought that I was replacing one wife with a better one， or abolishing my former wives by starting over. Never have I considered myself to be a man with thirteen marriages but， rather， a man with a single marriage， composed of thirteen wives. Whether this solution to the difficult problem of marriage is one that will prove useful to others， or whether my approach will add nothing to the sum of human knowledge， is not for me to say. I say only that， speaking strictly for myself， there could have been no other way.

人们时不时地问道：“为什么要有13个老婆？”

“哦，”我总是挂上我最灿烂的笑容，答道：“好东西不嫌多嘛！”

事实上，答案并非如此简单，而答案的实质甚至连我自己都难以知晓。唯一明了的是我爱我的老婆们，爱其个体亦爱其全部，我无法想象没有她们的生活。即使我一个接一个地娶，在9年时间里，我从来不是以好换差，也没想过要休掉前妻，以新替旧。我从没觉得自己是一个有着13段婚姻的男人，恰恰相反，我只有一段婚姻，只不过它由13个老婆组成。这个解决婚姻难题的办法是否对其他人奏效，或者我的方法是否能为人类知识的总量添上一笔，这些都不是由我说了算的。我只能说，严格来讲，于我，应该没有其它办法了。

Here， then， are my wives.

Absolute equals， heart-sharers， partners in love—thats how we think of each other， my first wife and I. If， on a Sunday morning， I wake up late to find shes made me a plate of big blueberry pancakes， just the way I liked them as a boy， with a square of butter melting its way in， then the next Sunday Ill serve her a two-egg 6）omelette with green peppers and chopped onions， exactly the kind she remembers from summer at the cabin on the island when she was a girl.

I remind her of her appointment with the hairdresser on Tuesday at one， she makes sure I dont miss my dentists appointment on Thursday at four； I drive with her to her mothers house in 7）Vermont on the third weekend in July， she comes with me to my fathers house on the cape for the second week of August； I praise the 8）trim lines of her new yellow sundress， shes pleased by the crisp look of my new light-weave button-down.

These arrangements are perhaps known to every marriage， but ours has developed more intimate refinements. If my first wife catches her hand in a door， I howl with sudden pain； when Im thirsty， she gulps down a glass of iced 9）limeade； if I knock into a table edge， a purple bruise shows on her leg； if she trips on the edge of the rug， I fall to the floor.

以下，接下来，就是我的老婆们了。

绝对平等、分担心意、相爱相伴——我们以此相待，我的原配和我。如果，在一个周日的早上，我起晚了，然后发现她为我做了一盘大蓝莓煎饼，在我还是个男孩儿的时候，我就爱伴着一方块儿融化的黄油吃这些，那么下一个周日，我会为她用两只蛋煎蛋卷，伴上青椒和洋葱末，这绝对能让她回想起小时候曾在夏天岛上那小屋里吃到过的滋味。

我会提醒她周二下午一点她与美发师的预约，她会确保我周四下午四点不会错过和牙医的预约；在七月的第三个周末我会和她一起开车去她母亲在佛蒙特州的家，在八月的第二周她会和我一起去我父亲建在海角上的家里；我会夸赞她新置的黄色背心裙的裁剪，她则会因为我那全新轻薄系扣衬衫的清爽打扮而感觉欣喜。

这些插曲也许在每一段婚姻中都不足为奇，但是我们之间的已经发展得更加亲密无间。如果我的原配被门夹了手，我会因为突然的疼痛嗥叫；当我口渴的时候，她会猛地饮完一杯冰镇酸橙汽水；如果我撞到桌边，一块儿紫色的瘀青便会出现在她的腿上；如果她在地毯边上绊倒，我就会倒在地上。

One evening I thought of the answer to a crossword clue wed both been stuck on the day before； when I entered her room， I found her sitting up in bed， folded newspaper in hand， filling in the answer with a yellow No.2 pencil. Another time， when things werent going well with me， I woke in the night and feared she might be suicidally depressed； when I rushed into the hall， I nearly collided with her， hurrying toward me with her arms held wide and a look of rescue in her eyes.

Sometimes， its true， I grow bored， deeply bored， with our system of finely measured equivalences. Then I long for an imbalance， a sharp exception， a fierce eruption. Unhappy that Ive had such thoughts， and uncertain what to do； when I seize her arms and look into her eyes， I see the same 10）melancholy， the same longing for something unknown； and as I burst into a dark， uneasy laugh， I hear， all over the room， like the cries of many animals， the sound of her own troubling laughter.

一天晚上，我想出了前一天我们俩都迷上的一个字谜游戏的答案；当我走进她房间的时候，我发现她正在床上端坐着，折起的报纸拿在手中，用一支黄色的2号铅笔填着答案。还有一次，我遇事不大顺心，我在夜里惊醒并害怕她也会抑郁欲绝；当我冲进大厅的时候，我差点儿跟她撞在一起，她急忙打开双臂给我拥抱，并且眼中流露出营救的眼神。

有时候，的的确确，我有些厌烦，特别厌烦我们极其精准相似的系统。然后，我渴望一份不安定、一次完全的例外、一次猛烈的爆发。纠结于这样的想法中，也不知如何是好。当我抓住她的双臂并望进她双眸的时候，我看到了相同的忧郁，对于一些未知事物相同的渴望；而当我突然发出一声忧郁、不自在的大笑时，我听见，满屋子里环绕着，像是很多动物的叫声，还有她自己令人不安的笑声。

When I am feeling hopeless about my life， when my hands hang from my sleeves like dead men dangling， when， catching sight of myself in a plate-glass window， I turn violently away， but not before Ive seen myself turn violently away， then I know its time for me to be in the company of my second wife， who knows how to comfort me.

Even as I arrive at the front door， holding my leather laptop case in one hand and reaching for my key with the other， shes looking at me anxiously and asking about my day， shes helping me out of my belted trenchcoat and hanging up my hat， shes placing my case by the 11）umbrella stand. Already she is leading me to an armchair—my favorite one， with the thick armrests—where she places a pillow behind my head and touches my forehead with her hand， while at the same time shes lifting my feet onto the 12）hassock， shes removing my shoes and pressing her cheek against my leg.

“Are you all right？” she asks， looking at me with tender concern. And gazing at me 13）earnestly she asks， “Have you had a hard day？”

当我对自己的生活感到无望，当我的双手像死人那般在袖中垂晃，当我从镜面玻璃窗中看到自己，我猛地转过身，但在转身前我已经看到了这一切，然后我知道我该去和我第二任老婆呆在一起了，她晓得怎么安慰我。

当我刚好走到前门的时候，她就用一只手提起了我的皮革手提电脑包并用另一只手接过我的钥匙，她焦急地看着我，边问我今天过得如何，边帮我脱掉束着腰的风衣，挂起我的帽子，把电脑包摆在伞架旁边。她早已拉我坐到了一把扶手椅上——我最爱的一把，有着厚实的扶手——她在我脑袋后面垫了一个枕头并用手抚着我的前额，与此同时她抬起我的脚放到跪垫上，她脱下我的鞋子并将脸颊贴在我的腿上。

“你还好吗？”她温柔关切地望着我，问道。而后她盯着我认真地问：“今天很辛苦吗？”

Still later， waking beside her， I feel a sudden doubt. Roughly I shake her awake. Staring into her sleepy eyes， I tell her that I could never endure a rival， that Ill leave her instantly if she ever tries a trick like that， she cant take advantage of me， I wasnt born yesterday.

During my outburst her large， startled eyes fill with tears. Gradually a relief comes over me， I grow calm， I glance at the clock and see that its getting late， a yawn shudders through me， and as I close my eyes and begin to drift toward deep， soothing sleep I feel her lying awake beside me， searching for the cause of my distress， 14）rehearsing the events of the past few hours， reproaching herself for not loving me enough， her eyes wide， her heart racing， her cheek resting tensely against my shoulder.

再后来，我从她身边醒来，感到一股疑惑袭上心头。我粗暴地摇醒了她。盯着她惺忪的睡眼，我告诉她我无法容忍一个竞争对手，如果她曾尝试过那样的伎俩，我将会即刻离开她，她不能从我这儿拿到什么好处，我可不是什么幼稚屁孩。

我情绪爆发的时候，她大大的、受了惊吓的眼睛里盈满了泪水。渐渐地我松了口气，冷静下来，我瞥了一眼钟表，发现天色已晚，打了个战栗全身的哈欠，当我闭上眼，正要迷迷糊糊进入沉沉的舒缓睡眠的时候，我感觉她躺在我身边睡不着，她思索着我苦恼的原因，回想着过去的几小时里发生的事情，责备自己不够爱我，她眼睛睁大了，心跳越来越快，她的脸颊紧紧地贴在我的肩膀上。

At other times， in a more robust mood， the sort of mood in which lifes little disappointments no longer seem evidences of failure but welcome challenges to the 15）all-conquering spirit， I seek the company of my third wife， who never spoils me.

When I enter her room I find her lying on the bed， reading a book with a frown of concentration. Without looking up， she raises a rigid finger as a sign that shes not to be disturbed； her whole body tightens with attention as she continues reading.

After a long while she lays the book on her chest and lifts her eyes to me， with the same frown. At once she reproaches me with having neglected her. As I begin to defend myself， she tells me that the new cleaning lady has broken one of the blue wineglasses； theres no more sliced turkey in the refrigerator， only sliced ham； the door of the linen closet doesnt close properly. I assure her that Ill take care of everything soon， right away， at this very moment if necessary； in response she rolls her eyes in a slow， exaggerated manner. Suddenly she looks at my shirt and asks whether I went to work with my collar like that. Have I checked my hair in the mirror lately？

Her head hurts； her allergies are killing her； shes sure she has a sinus infection； theres no air in the room； the window is stuck again. I step over and raise the window easily. She asks whether it gives me pleasure to score a cheap victory at her expense. Shes short of cash； her blow-dryer is broken； somethings wrong with the switch on the coffeemaker.

平时，在一种更激昂的情绪里，在那种情绪面前，生活中小小的失落看起来都不再像失败的证据，却像是欢迎挑战的那种所向披靡的精神，我会寻求我第三任妻子的陪伴，她从不宠溺我。

当我走进她房间的时候，我发现她正躺在床上，眉头紧锁着专注地看着一本书。她并未抬起头，而是伸出了一根僵硬的手指示意自己不想被打扰；当她继续看书时，她专心致志地绷紧了全身。

过了好一会儿，她把书放在胸前，抬起头看我，同样皱着眉头。她立即开始指责我疏忽了她。当我正要辩解的时候，她跟我唠叨新的清洁女工打碎了一只蓝酒杯；冰箱里快没火鸡肉片了，只有切片火腿；壁橱的门也关不拢了。我向她保证我很快就会收拾好一切，需要的话，此时此刻马上就给她弄好；作为回应，她用一种缓缓地，夸张的方式翻了个白眼。突然，她盯着我的衬衫问道我是不是顶着那样的衣领就去工作了。问我近来有没有在镜子前整整自己的头发。

她的头很痛；她的过敏症正折磨着她；她确定她得了鼻窦感染；房间里封闭缺氧；窗子又卡住了。我上前几步，轻松地拉高了窗户。她问我是否在她的花销上拮之又拮、省之又省会让我很高兴。她没现金了；她的吹风机坏了；咖啡机上的开关也坏了。