与母亲“同居”的日子

by Gisselle Perez 译/Sherry Zhang

自摆脱婴儿床后，我就一直和母亲同睡一张床，不是因为我是“长不大的孩子”，不是因为我不够自立，而是在我成长的那个拥挤的家里，我根本就找不到任何私人空间。如今，我快大学毕业了，也终于有了属于自己的房间和床，但独眠之初，我竟无法安睡了??

The last time I slept alone, it was in a crib. Ever since then, I have shared a bed with my mother. And this is in Washington Heights, a Manhattan neighborhood known for its relatively affordable and spacious apartments.

I guess our place, with its four bedrooms, is considered big by many standards. But with only one bathroom, it definitely wasnt meant for eight people.

Theres my mother, 61, and my father, 82, and my Uncle Ramon, who has lived with us since he got his green card back in January 2000. Then there are the twins, Elaine and Rosemary, my 30-year-old sisters. And last year my 27-year-old sister, Vanessa, was laid off from her job in Virginia Beach and wound up1) moving back home with her 3-year-old daughter. She is pregnant, due this August. Were like the Dominican2) Kardashians3), with all of the drama but none of the wealth.

According to 2011 census data, 10 percent of women (and 19 percent of men) age 25 to 34 live in their parents homes. Im 24, and for women in my age bracket4) the figure is 50 percent—though that includes college students living in dorms, something that wasnt an affordable option for me. Demographers say that the trend is rising—that it started going up before the recession, and has only continued since.

But I dont feel like part of a new trend. It just seems normal to me. Since the age of 13, I have been waking up early to prepare breakfast for my family, anything from farina5)—basically Cream of Wheat—to eggs, bacon and mangu, a plantain mash. My father never went to school and my mother only went to third grade, so reading and translating were also my responsibility. I wore hand-me-down6) clothes from my sisters. There were times we slept on the couch because there werent enough mattresses7). Our lives were based on traditional values about the importance of family, values many of our neighbors shared. I love my parents, but it was hard taking care of them when I was still a child myself. I got really stressed and cried at times.

Later, it was hard to date because I didnt want to bring a guy to my house where he could see how crowded it was. Most of all, I didnt want anyone to find out that I had to share a bed with my mother. Because she was a noisy and restless sleeper, my father refused to share a bed or even a room with her. He had his own room, and so did my uncle. Since I was the youngest girl, I had to bunk8) with my mother, while my sisters shared the last room. It meant that, even at 3 a.m., when everyone was asleep, I still didnt have any privacy.

In the last few years Ive been taking night classes, which means I have some quiet time at home during the day and also that I can take a long shower in the afternoon, instead of fighting everyone for bathroom time in the morning. But a few months ago I found out that our apartment was going to get even more crowded. Uncle Ramons wife and his five adult children, who all have kids of their own, have always lived in the Dominican Republic. In October he was finally able to get visas for them. We were their only immediate relatives in the United States, which meant they were going to move into our overcrowded apartment. With 13 new people arriving, our apartment would soon look like an urban soup kitchen9), like a clown car10) where people just keep popping out.

Just when I was about to reach my breaking point, my mother came to me with the news that Uncle Ramons family wasnt moving in after all, that theyd found a place in New Jersey. Even more surprising: my uncle was moving there with them. Suddenly, for the first time ever, there was a vacant room in our apartment. I was sure my sisters and I were going to fight for the available space, and that it would probably go to Vanessa, her daughter and the new baby. But Elaine, who has always been a thoughtful sister, convinced my mother to give it to me, saying it was finally time for me to have my own space. Everyone else agreed.

I immediately decided to mark my territory. I painted one wall pink and the rest a pale silver to make the room look bigger. I bought a television and a new mattress, all my own. But my first night in the new room, I kept waking up every hour, nervous and sweating. After all this time, I didnt know how to sleep without my mother! It felt like I was going through withdrawal11).

It took a month before I could sleep the full night, but now that Im used to it, I feel like Ill never be able to share a bed with someone else again. When I graduate this month, Ill be the first person in my family with a four-year college degree. Im trying to line up a full-time job, and I have already started applying for apartments in Chelsea, Hells Kitchen12) and the Bronx—anywhere but Washington Heights. Until then, every night in my own bed, I find peace, stretching my arms and legs out as far as I like.

记得上回我一个人睡时，我还在婴儿床里。自打那以后，我就一直和妈妈睡在同一张床上。我家住在华盛顿高地，一个位于曼哈顿的社区，这里以拥有价格相对合理、宽敞开阔的公寓房而闻名。

我家有四个卧室，无论从哪个标准来看，我想我们家都称得上宽敞开阔。但家里只有一个卫生间，这可绝对不够八个人用。

家里住着我61岁的母亲、82岁的父亲和雷蒙叔叔。雷蒙叔叔在2000年1月拿回了他的绿卡后就一直和我们住在一起。此外，家里还住着我的一对双胞胎姐姐——伊莲和罗斯玛丽，她们都30岁了。去年，我27岁的姐姐凡妮莎在维吉尼亚湾的工作丢了，最后也只好带着她三岁的女儿回来住。她还怀着孩子，预产期在今年8月。我家就像在多米尼亚共和国度假的金·卡戴珊家族一样，极富戏剧性，但没有他们所坐拥的财富。

2011年人口普查的数据显示，25岁至34岁的人群中，有10%的女性和19%的男性住在父母家里。我今年24岁，我这个年龄的女性有50%住在父母家里——当然这个数字包含了住宿舍的大学生，而宿舍我是住不起的。人口统计学家说，子女与父母同住的现象正呈现上升趋势——这一上升趋势开始于美国经济衰退前，之后一直有增无减。

但我不觉得自己这种情况是什么新趋势。这一切对我来说太平常了。从13岁起，我就早早起来为一家人准备早餐，早餐内容各式各样，有谷粉(主要是麦乳)、鸡蛋、火腿，还有“满谷”(一种香蕉糊)。我父亲没上过学，母亲只念到三年级，因此为家人阅读和翻译也成了我的责任。我身上穿的是姐姐穿过的旧衣服。有时睡垫不够，我们就睡在沙发上。与其他诸多邻里一样，我们在生活中秉持“以家庭为重”的传统价值观。我爱我的父母，但我自己还是个孩子，就要照顾他们的生活，实在是很艰难。我觉得压力非常大，时不时就要哭鼻子。

再后来，与人约会也成了一件难事，因为我不想带个男孩子回家，让他看到我的家里人满为患。最主要的是，我不想让任何人发现我得和母亲睡一张床。母亲睡觉很吵，又睡得不安生，所以父亲不愿和她住同一张床，甚至不愿和她住同一个房间。父亲自己住一个房间，叔叔也一样。由于我是家里最小的女孩，所以我只能和母亲睡一张床，而我的姐姐们占了家里最后一个房间。这就意味着即便是在凌晨三点钟，家里的每个人都进入梦乡时，我还是没有任何自己的私人空间。

在过去的几年中，我一直在上夜校，这就意味着我白天能在家有点清净的时光，下午也能好好冲个澡，而不用一大早起来就和所有人抢卫生间了。然而，几个月前，我得知，我们家将变得更加拥挤。雷蒙叔叔的妻子和他们五个已成年的孩子(他们各自也都有孩子)一直住在多米尼加共和国。今年10月，雷蒙叔叔终于能为他们办理签证了。我们是他们在美国唯一的直系亲属，这就意味着他们即将搬到我们这个已经拥挤不堪的公寓里来。再来13个人，我们的公寓很快就会成为城市贫民救济处了，就像马戏团里的小丑车，源源不断地有人冒出来。

就在我快要崩溃的时候，母亲突然告诉我说雷蒙叔叔一家不会搬过来了，他们已经在新泽西找到了住处。更让我意外的是，雷蒙叔叔会搬去和他家人一起住。突然之间，我家有史以来第一次多出来一个空房间。可以肯定的是，我和姐姐们都会争夺这间空房，而“获胜者”可能是凡妮莎、她的女儿和她刚出生的宝宝。但最终，一直都很体贴周到的姐姐伊莲说服了母亲，让她把房间给了我，说最终也该轮到我在家里拥有私人空间了。对此其他人都没有异议。

我立即决定明确标示自己的地盘。我把一面墙刷成粉色，其他几面刷成浅银色，这样房间看起来会大一些。我买了电视和新的床垫——全归我自己享用。但住在新房间里的第一晚，我每个小时都会醒一次，惶惶不安，不停出汗。在与母亲同住了这么多年以后，没有她在身边，我竟不知道该如何安睡了！这就像在经历一个艰难的“脱瘾”期。

过了一个月后，我总算能整宿安睡了。不过，既然我习惯自己睡了，就觉得以后再也无法容忍和别人共享一张床了。这个月我就毕业了，我将是家里第一个拿到四年大学学位的人。我正在努力找一份全职工作，也已经开始申请位于切尔西、地狱厨房和布朗克斯地区的公寓——反正只要是不在华盛顿高地就好。在那之前，我会每晚在自己的床上感受安宁，尽情地舒展身躯。

1. wind up：最终沦落到；最终落得；(以……)告终

2. Dominican [d??m?n?k?n] adj. 多米尼亚共和国的

3. Kardashian：金·卡戴珊(Kim Kardashian, 1980～)，好莱坞当红真人秀明星、社交名媛。2012年的复活节期间，她带领众多家庭成员前往多米尼亚共和国度假。

4. bracket [?br?k?t] n. (年龄、收入等的)等级段；档次；属同一等级段的人们

5. farina [f??ra?n?] n. 古粉，淀粉

6. hand-me-down：(尤指衣物)别人用过的

7. mattress [?m?tr?s] n. 褥垫，床垫

8. bunk [b??k] vi. 合铺，合住

9. soup kitchen：(救济贫民、无家可归者等的)施粥所，施食处

10. clown car：小丑车，一种马戏团表演时制造喜剧效果的道具。表演时，小丑车缓缓驶来，许多个小丑忽然从一辆小车里钻出来。

11. withdrawal [w???dr???l] n. 戒毒(或脱瘾)过程

12. Hells Kitchen：地狱厨房，位于纽约市的34街到57街，8大道，近海的一个地方。那里住的大部分是爱尔兰的美国人。