毕业季：苦涩的甜蜜

2012-09-12byOmerKamalBinFarooq译/辛献云

新东方英语 2012年9期

by Omer Kamal Bin Farooq 译/辛献云

曾经你是那么讨厌大学里的生活，讨厌这里的一切：老师枯燥的讲课、课堂上的积极分子、繁重的课后作业、性情乖戾的室友、食堂的大锅饭……但是当毕业在即，内心对这一切又突然变得不舍：那些曾经的失意和快乐，那些往昔的吵闹和笑声，所有这一切终将成为生命中永远也抹不去的回忆……

I know you guys have already read a couple of blogs about graduation; the ones that elaborated in 10 points how, after passing out1), the realisation dawns that the world out there is very evil and that college was pure bliss.

While these writings surely had their utility, what they failed to encapsulate2) was the experience itself; the four years of loathing that magically turn into a bitter sweet feeling as the end approaches.

I still remember an incident from freshman year when I complained to a teacher about the excessive workload and she said, with a smile reminiscent of days gone by, “When you are done with college, you will miss working all night long with your friends.”

I laughed sarcastically in response. Now I realise that the joke was on me3) all along.

Whats ironic though is the fact that through the course of four years, you pretend to hate every bit of your college life. The news of a cancelled class makes you jump up and down on your seat even though you are fully aware of the horrors of the make-up class that will be scheduled on a Sunday.

The dengue4) holidays come as pure unadulterated joy and you spend your days off with the guilty pleasure of knowing that while you celebrate your time off with cheap cinema, the rest of the city is in chaos.

On top of it all, theres that constant and usual subterfuge5) among your friends that will put Star Plus6) aunties to shame. I mean Zoya is gossiping with Adil about Hira behind her back, but Hira and Zoya are BFFs (best friends forever) and also Zoya was Adils ex-girlfriend and now the current girlfriend of Taimur, who by the way, is Adils friend but secretly hates him and also tried to kick him out of the group—yes, that pretty much summarises it.

Making the college experience more fun are the thetas7) (the Greek mathematical symbol—yeah it really makes you wonder where they got that name from) in every class, also commonly known as nerds. These people will answer every rhetorical question8) with the loudest of “yes” and then look towards the teacher with puppy eyes, begging for appreciation. Other students, who rise from their slumber9) by the excited cries of the nerds, are left staring at them with a what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-you expression.

And it doesnt end in the classroom either. Every time you go to the instructor to request an extension in the term project submission date, the nerd will already be there. And not to help, mind you, but to stare at you in a nonchalant10) fashion and declare in an annoyingly innocuous11) tone that they are already half way through their project.

Oh how you wish at that time that you had learned a trick or two from the seven Saw12) movies you watched for absolutely no apparent reason (never mind the 3D version—its not even worth mentioning).

Despite all of the above-mentioned stuff that you apparently disliked, somewhere in the last semester, the cognizance13) of your university life coming to an end hits you squarely in the face.

Suddenly the annoying friend who made all your quizzes and exams impossible through constant cries of “help me with something bro” doesnt seem that annoying after all.

A couple of free days after the final exams and you even start missing the weekend makeup classes; classes that you went to grudgingly14), cursing the instructors wife all the time for making life so miserable at home that he decided to conduct the class on a Sunday.

The reason for this, on a psychological level, has to be the trepidation15) of growing up and having to face the challenges of the real world coupled with the issues of mortality that translate to quarter life crises in many youngsters. But lets not make this boring.

On introspection16), you discern that the little idiosyncrasies17) and quirks were what made the whole college experience worthwhile. Oh how you miss the constant complaints, the arguments you had with your classmates, the pranks18) you pulled on aged professors and the classes you bunked19). And of course, who can forget the ostensible20) study groups, the impromptu21) birthday celebrations and the misplaced crushes22)? All these small things, when put together, make the whole enterprise unforgettable.

The funny thing is that when you look back at college after graduation, you dont remember the grade you got in some random subject or the trivial fights you had while you were there. The things that stay with you are the little incidents and bursts of laughter that seemed inconsequential23) at that time but will surely bring a smile to your wrinkled face some 40 years down the line24). For instance, the incident where the instructor was trembling with anger and you still couldnt control your laughter, or when you collected money from the juniors on “Daku day25),” or when you helped a friend pass through an exam in which he had no hopes.

When you realise that you have to leave this makeshift26) world and that the friendships that form it are going to be reduced to Facebook likes27) and Tweets—despite the promises of “staying in touch” on farewell day—it makes you a little despondent.

Orson Welles28) said: “If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story.”

Well the story of real life may have just begun, but graduation seems to be a very appropriate point for an integral chapter of life to have a happy ending.

PS: A heartfelt apology to all the nerds, without whom classrooms all around the world will be exponentially29) boring. How else would we have our fun then?

我知道各位已读过数篇关于毕业的博文，那些文章分十个要点细数了毕业之后学生如何幡然醒悟，发现外面的世界是多么险恶，而大学里又是多么纯净快乐。

这类博文确实有其可读之处，但它们却未能抓住大学生活经历的本质，以及四年来对大学生活的厌恶之情如何在即将结束之时神奇般地变成了一种爱恨交织的感情。

我还记得大学一年级时发生的一件小事。当时我向一位老师抱怨说作业负担太重，结果她笑了笑，仿佛想起了逝去的美好时光，说：“等你大学毕业后，你就会怀念和朋友们一起通宵熬夜做功课的美好日子了。”

我的回答是一阵带着嘲讽的大笑。可现在我意识到，其实一直以来我自己才是最可笑的。

然而，具有讽刺意味的是，整整四年中，你仿佛恨透了大学生活的方方面面、边边角角。每次听到某节课被临时取消的消息，你都会欢呼雀跃，虽然你心里很清楚，取消的课将会安排在星期天补上，而那对你来说无疑是噩梦。

登革热病流行期间，学校通常都会放假，那对你来说更是纯粹的、完完全全的开心时光。一连几天，你泡在廉价的电影院里，尽情地享受着放松的快乐，但同时心里又感到愧疚不安，因为你知道外面的世界已经乱成一锅粥。

而让以上这一切都显得逊色的，是朋友之间常有的、司空见惯的诡计托辞，这些招数简直令卫视合家欢台的八婆们都自愧不如。比如说卓娅背着希拉对阿迪尔说希拉的坏话，但希拉和卓娅又是最要好的闺蜜，而卓娅也是阿迪尔的前女友和泰穆尔的现任女友，而泰穆尔又是阿迪尔的好朋友，但暗地里却讨厌他，总是想把他踢出这个圈子——对，基本上就是这么回事。

使大学生活充满乐趣的是每个班都有的“西塔”(即希腊数学符号θ，真不知道他们是从哪儿弄来的这个名字)，也就是俗称的“书呆子”。这类人对老师每一句不需要回答的反问都响亮地回答：“对！”然后睁着一双天真无邪的眼睛眼巴巴地望着老师，渴望得到老师的赞赏。其他同学则因书呆子激动的喊叫声从沉睡中惊醒，对他们怒目而视，脸上带着一种“你到底哪根筋出了毛病”的表情。

而书呆子的活动范围绝不仅仅限于教室。每次当你去找老师，希望延长学期设计的上交时间时，你都会发现书呆子已先你一步到达那里。别以为他们会帮你求情，相反，他们会若无其事地盯着你，然后用一种令人气恼而又不冒犯的语气宣布他们的设计已经完成了一半。

唉，此刻，你多么希望能够从七部《电锯惊魂》系列影片中学到一招两式来对付他们啊！你稀里糊涂地看了那么多集，自己都不知道是为什么(别告诉我什么3D版的——根本不值一提)。

尽管有上述那些你明显讨厌的东西，但在最后一学期的某个时候，你突然意识到大学生活快到终点了，这让你好像当头挨了一棒。

突然，那个在大大小小的各种考试中不停向你喊叫“哥们，帮帮我吧”、让你无法安心考试的讨厌的朋友也显得不那么令人讨厌了。

在期终考试结束之后的那几天空闲时间里，你甚至开始怀念起周末的补课来了；周末补课原本是你最不情愿去上的，每次都要咒骂老师的夫人，骂她把家庭生活变得如此不堪忍受，以至于老师决定要在星期天上课。

之所以会有这种变化，从心理上来讲，是因为此时毕业生对长大成人和不得不面对现实世界的挑战感到恐惧；同时，由于对死亡问题的思索也让许多青年人心中有了“四分之一生命的危机感”。但我们还是不要把这个弄得如此沉重了。

在内心反思一下，你会意识到：使整个大学生活变得更有意义的往往是那些奇奇怪怪、匪夷所思的小事。你是多么怀念你时常挂在嘴边的那些牢骚，怀念你和同学曾有的争执，怀念你捉弄老教授的恶作剧，还有你翘过的课啊。当然，又有谁能忘记那些装模作样的学习小组、那些即兴的生日庆祝，还有那爱错对象、表错情的单相思呢？所有这些小事、琐事叠加起来，使整个大学生活变得令人难以忘怀。

有趣的是，毕业之后，当你回顾大学生活时，你不会记得某门课得了多少分，或者你在那儿参与的某次无关紧要的打斗。留在你脑海中的是那些小事和阵阵笑声，这些东西在当时看来似乎无关痛痒，但40年以后肯定会给你布满皱纹的脸上增添一份笑容。比如，老师气得浑身发抖时，你却还在忍不住地大笑；或者在“抢劫日”，你强行向学弟们收取“保护费”；或者你帮助一个朋友通过了一场他毫无希望通过的考试。

当你意识到你将不得不离开这个临时的生活圈子，而在这个圈子里结下的友谊将会化为Facebook上的分享和Tweet上的留言时——尽管在告别那一天大家都互相承诺要“保持联系”——你心中还是有些小小的失落。

奥森·韦尔斯说过：“故事的结局是否圆满，当然要看你在什么地方结束你的故事。”

真正的人生故事也许刚刚开始，但毕业似乎是一个恰到好处的结束点，让人生一个不可或缺的章节有了一个圆满的结局。

又及：衷心地向所有书呆子们说声抱歉。没有他们，全世界的教室都会变得极其沉闷乏味。我们还能从哪儿再找到这么多乐趣呢？

1. pass out：(尤指军校学生)毕业，完成学业

2. encapsulate [?n?k?psj?le?t] vt. 概括

3. the joke is on sb.：(在自以为聪明地开他人玩笑之后)被戏弄的反而是某人自己

4. dengue [?de?ɡi] n. [医]登革热(一种热带传染病，骨关节及肌肉奇痛)

5. subterfuge [?s?bt?(r)?fju?d?] n. 托词，借口；花招

6. Star Plus：卫视合家欢电视台，印地语娱乐频道，主要播放家庭剧、迷你剧和一些娱乐节目等，隶属于星空传媒。

7. theta [?θi?t?] n. 希腊字母表中的第八个字母

8. rhetorical question：(用以加强语气的)反诘，反问；修辞性疑问句