浅谈英语写作中遣词造句的“淡妆”与“浓抹”

丁允书

摘要:英语写作中,熟练运用句式变化的技巧进行遣词造句,可以将句子的外部形态上的“淡妆”与内部结构的“浓抹”结合起来。若能做到“淡妆浓抹总相宜”则会使文章彰显活力,丰富生动,耐人寻味,从而使习作者在高考中取得理想分数,乐于写作。

关键词:遣词造句、“淡妆”、“浓抹”

英语写作教学中,笔者经常遇到一些学生抱怨自己的作文单调乏味,讨厌写作。其原因是多方面的,不过,句式单一、缺乏变化是其中一个重要原因。《普通高中英语课程标准》明确提出教师要帮助学生掌握写作技巧。其中写作技巧中,就包括遣词造句。因此,掌握一些句式变化的技巧,无论是平时的习作还是应对高考的书面表达都是很有必要的。笔者认为,写作技巧中的遣词造句可以将句子的外部形态上的“淡妆”与内部结构的“浓抹”结合起来,使文章彰显活力,丰富生动,耐人寻味,使习作者能够体验成功的快乐,在高考书面表达中取得理想分数,从而乐于写作。那么,写作中的遣词造句如何做到“淡妆浓抹总相宜”?

一、句子外部形态的“淡妆”

句子外部形态的淡化也就是长短句、简单句、复杂句的交替使用。我们提倡句子的“淡妆”即句子的简练,但不是说都用简单句。学生在写初稿的时候往往写出的只是表达初始想法的简单句子,这就要在修改定稿时对句子进行一些细加工,使它们更紧凑连贯。

从不同角度划分,句子有不同种类和结构。为了多样化起见, 可将简单句、并列句和复合句等各类句子融合在一起。以学生的习作为例:

I would like to smile at my parents. They have given me life. They have taken all the trouble to bring me up. They arrange almost everything for me. I have made great progress with their help. I would like to say “Thank you” to them with a smile. I should smile to myself. I can gain more confidence in smiling my troubles away. And I can live a better life.

这几个简单句只是几个事实的简单罗列,并且都是以主语开头,句子种类显得单一,缺乏变化。下面是修改后的段落:

First, I would like to smile at my parents because they have given me life and taken all the trouble to bring me up. They arrange almost everything for me. With their help, I have made great progress. I would like to say “Thank you” to them with a smile. Then I should smile to myself, for only in this way can I gain more confidence in smiling my troubles away and live a better life.

改写后的这段文字句子种类多样,长短不一,句型结构变化大、合理、紧凑,读来生动流畅,格外自然。大致说来,在合并的过程中,如果各句在意思上具有同等的地位,则可以把句子合并成并列句。如果各句的地位不同等,有的应该处于主要地位,有的处于次要地位,这时,可以把各句合并成复合句。

另外从句子的长度来看,写作提倡长短交错,即长句与短句交错使用。句子的长与短是相对而言的。长句一般容量大,用词较多,且结构复杂,甚至可以包含5W(who, what, where, when, why)的诸多信息。读者从一个句子就可知道它叙述了哪几个W。长句的修辞效果是表意严谨、精确、细致。反之,为短句,短句一般结构简单、紧凑,直截了当,生动活泼。长短句交替使用不仅能表意丰富,增强抒情效果,而且产生特殊的修辞效果。一句或几个长句之后,紧跟一短句,称之为修辞性语句。

以2009年江苏高考题为例,学生的习作修改前后对比如下:

修改前:The mouse is a device. It is used by people to communicate with a computer. It is impossible for people to operate a computer or surf the internet without a mouse. A mouse is really handy, flexible and convenient in controlling the screen. We can use it to insert, delete, move and copy what we want. We can use it to edit text, browse web pages and download what we want.

修改后:The mouse is a device used by people to communicate with a computer. For most people it is impossible to operate a computer without a mouse, let alone surf the internet. A-well-chosen mouse is really handy, flexible and convenient in controlling the screen. With the functions of inserting, deleting, moving and copying, it enables us to edit text, browse web pages and download what we want.

表达同样的内容的两段文字,修改前,仅仅是几个短句的简单罗列,句子种类单一,缺乏变化;而修改后,长短交错,句式错落有致,灵活搭配,语言富有参差灵动的美感。长短句交替使用,在语言表达上变化多姿,使文字表达更具有新鲜感、富有活力,产生特殊的美感,有很多亮点,也增加了得分点,其效果与修改前迥然不同。

二、句子内部结构的“浓抹”

我们强调句子的简练,并非鼓励学生去追求长句、复杂句。我们追求的是句子内部结构的“浓抹”,即句子结构的多变。一篇好的文章能根据表达的内容使用不同的句子结构,会产生较好的艺术效果。

一方面,可以从句子的开头入手。以灵活多变的手法写好句子开头是使句子结构多样化的一条重要途径。句子一般都是以主语起首的(即句子=S+V+O)。但这样的句子使用过多会使文章在形式上缺乏新鲜感。而形式上做到多样化,就能增强文章的魅力,提高读者的兴趣。下面以2009年江西高考书面表达为例, 学生习作与修改后文章对比如下:

修改前:I found I was wrong. I came to realize ‘Failure is the mother of success. I should find the reason why I got a bad result. I thought this was a lesson to me. I find my shortcomings though the lesson. I could improve my English with it. So my bad mood turned into a good one.

以上几乎全部是主语领先句,开头缺少变化,文体单一,这是初学者常犯的毛病。为了使文章语言生动,引人入胜,我们可以变化句子开头,把各种不同的词或成分放置句首,使用各种不同的句型。

修改后:But after a while, I found I was wrong for I came to realize ‘Failure is the mother of success. What I should do was to find the reason why I got so bad a result. And I thought this was a lesson to me and it helped me to find my shortcomings. Just as a saying goes: ‘Every coin has two sides., maybe it could help me to improve my English. So my bad mood turned into a good one.

上段文章经过这样的修改,效果大为不同:文章语言生动,充满魅力,富有新鲜感,高考阅卷时,能够吸引阅卷老师的眼球,获得认可。

再者,习作者还可以从句子结构的多变即句子内部结构的“浓抹”着手。以多样的手法写好除句子开头的其它部分,是使句子结构多样化的又一条重要途径。我们写句子时,根据不同的需要,可以采取主动与被动的交替使用;也可以将句子的修饰成份放在句子前面,也可以用在句子的中间,还可以用在句子的后面;既可以用普通句也可以用强调句或感叹句;再者,既可以选用正常语序也可以选用倒装语序。这样,在语言表达上会更具有感染力,引人入胜,高考中更容易获得阅卷老师的青睐。

再以2009年重庆高考题为例, 学生习作与修改后文章对比如下:

修改前:We should be thankful to others. We live in a big family. We can get support from the people around us every minute. What can we do when we get support? We can say “thanks” to them. Our traditional culture is such. We learn it when we are very young. Our parents and teachers told us. We also learn it from books and others. It is already deep in our hearts. So I strongly support this topic.

以上几乎都是“S+V+O”的结构,句型单一,且主语单调,缺少变化。为使文章富有吸引力,我们可以用句子外部形态的“淡妆”与句子内部结构的“浓抹”来加以修改。

修改后:In my opinion, being thankful to others should be the hottest topic at present. As we know, we live in the world, a big family. Every minute we can get support from the people around us. What can we do when we get support? The best thing we can do is to politely say “thanks” to them. This is our traditional culture. We learn it when we are very young not only from our parents and teachers but also from books and others. It is already so deep in our hearts that I strongly support this topic.

同样的内容,不同的载体,修改后,句子赋予了“淡妆”与“浓抹”,使文字表达富有变化,增加了新鲜感,给文章增色不少,读来津津有味,乐不释手,高考书面表达获得高分是情理之中的,其效果与修改前大不相同。

总之,在英语写作中遣词造句要尽量避免单调、反复地使用简单句,如反复地使用同一种句式结构容易使文章索然无味,缺乏表现力;反之,写作中对句子加以“包装”,遣词造句力求做到句子外部形态的“淡妆”与句子内部结构的“浓抹”相结合, 一句话,“淡妆浓抹总相宜”。那么,我们写作时就能够妙笔生花,乐在其中;我们的文章则会丰富生动,耐人寻味,产生较好的艺术效果;我们的书面表达就能在高考中脱颖而出,取得高分。