翻译擂台

上期题目

成功并不局限于结果,快乐、自信、自律才是通往成功的秘诀,付出与努力本身就是成功与回报。

多元化成功并不要求每个人都去刻意重复别人的成功之路,或者用别人的标准来评价和衡量自己,但它要求我们重视诚信的价值观,拥有完整、均衡的人生态度,善于用智慧选择最佳的解决方案,并能不断地追寻自己的理想和兴趣、不断地学习和实践,妥善地处理好身边人际和沟通问题……如果从这些方面严格要求自己,让自己的每一天都能有新的收获和新的提高,那么,无论是否取得了预期的结果,这种努力本身就是最可嘉许的成功了。所以说:“做最好的自己”是通向多元化成功的必然途径。

摘自李开复《做最好的自己》

安徽工业大学 何文龙

Multi-success doesn't ask everyone to duplicate others' ways of success sedulously or to use others' criteria to measure themselves. The requirements of multi-success may go to the following six aspects: attaching importance to faithful values, possessing integrated and balanced attitude on life, and being adept at dealing with interpersonal relations and communication. If you are strict with yourself according to the requirements mentioned above and attain some new gains and improvements every day, these efforts themselves are most-praised success whether your expectations are achieved or not. So, we can say 'Be your personal best' is a necessity for realizing multi-success.

外编点评:译文的一个难点是“多元化成功”的翻译,英语中不存在multi-success这个说法,并且它不能表达原词的意思,用diversified success或varied success会更好。Sedulously使用不当,应改为exactly或to the letter;sedulously意为“勤勉地、孜孜不倦地”,是褒义词,与原文语境不符。译文其他部分译得不错,但也有一些小问题,例如应是an integrated and balanced attitude to life和we can say that…,出现了丢用错用。Attain some new gains累述,说成achieve some new successes 会更好。此外most-praised应改为praiseworthy,汉语词组翻译成对应英文词汇会更好,而不是将原词组打碎,如“牛奶”应译为milk,而不是cow milk。

北京 苏紫殇

Multiple success doesn't mean one must follow others' ways to success or measure and evaluate yourself by others' standards. It requires one to value honesty, to have a complete and balanced attitude towards life and to find the best solution wisely. In addition, it needs one to deal with the interpersonal relationship appropriately, as well as keep on studying, practicing and pursuing your own dreams and interests. If one can gain and improve a little everyday, being strict about these aspects, he is a success whether he achieves what he wants. In fact, this kind of try itself is the most favorable success. So the truth is, Be Your Personal Best is a essential method to multiple success.”

外编点评:译得不错,但也犯了跟第一位译者同样的错误,即“多元化成功”的翻译,用diversified success或varied success会更好。此外one用得很贴切巧妙,当然“you”也是个很好的选择。此外还有些小的错误,如应是interpersonal relationships,使用复数。最后需要注意one的统一,不能随意转用he;但若前文使用somebody则可在后文中使用he。但总体来说译得非常不错!

上海 欧阳仕权

'Diversified Successes' imposes upon everyone of us no demand that we ought to replicate other people's approaches to success ,or to evaluate and measure ourselves by criteria belonging to others, but it is required that we ought to attach considerable importance to values of both honesty and credibility, to hold wholesome and balanced attitudes towards life, and to be adept at picking the best solution by means of our wisdom; Furthermore, it is also demanded that we should endeavor to pursue our goals and interests ceaselessly, to mature ourselves by continuous learning and practice, to properly tackle interpersonal relationship issues and communication problems, etc... If we can place a stringent constraint upon ourselves based on the forementioned items, which enables ourselves to obtain new gains and improvements per day, such endeavors in essence are the most praiseworthy success, no matter our expected outcome is achieved or not. In summary, 'playing our best part' is the only road to accomplish diversified successes.

外编点评:译得不错,尤其是将diversified success用引号标出,表明其是一个不常见的描述成功策略的说法。整体译得不错,但过多使用被动语态。例如,可将it is required改为but we ought to;it is also demanded也同样如此。而enables ourselves to obtain new gains and improvements every day可简化为lets us improve every day。记住,从句应简洁明了。另外no matter后需加whether。

下期题目

褪去了春夏的躁动,秋天更加朴实无华,各地的秋景有别,但都恬静宜人,透着收获的喜悦。

不逢北国之秋,已将近十余年了。在南方每年到了秋天,总要想起陶然亭的芦花,钓鱼台的柳影,西山的虫唱,玉泉的夜月,潭柘寺的钟声。在北平即使不出门去吧,就是在皇城人海之中,租人家一椽破屋来住着,早晨起来,泡一碗浓茶,向院子一坐,你也能看得到很高很高的碧绿的天色,听得到青天下驯鸽的飞声。从槐树叶底,朝东细数着一丝一丝漏下来的日光,或在破壁腰中,静对着像喇叭似的牵牛花的蓝朵,自然而然地也能够感觉到十分的秋意。

摘选自郁达夫《故都的秋》