Ｊｏｋｅｓ ａｎｄ Ｈｕｍｏｒ
2008-10-22梦溪／编译
梦 溪／编译
A New Baby
Little Johns new baby brother was crying loudly. John asked his mom，“Where did we get him?”
His mother answered，“He came from heaven，John.”
John says，“Wow! I can see why they threw him out!”
新生儿
小约翰刚出生不久的弟弟哭得非常响亮。约翰问他的妈妈:“他是从哪儿来的?”
妈妈回答道:“他是从天堂来的，约翰。”
约翰说道:“哇!我知道他们为什么要把他扔出来了!”
Drunk
One day，a father and his little son were going home. At his age，the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions.
Now，he asked，“Whats the meaning of the word ‘drunk，dad?”
“Well，my son，” his father replied，“look，there are two policemen standing there. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk.”
“But，dad，” the boy said，“theres only ONE policeman!”
醉酒
一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有问不完的问题。
他向父亲发问道:“爸爸，‘醉字是什么意思?”
“唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧，那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。”
“可是，爸爸，”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀!”
Haircut
Two barbershops(理发店) were in hot competition(竞争). One put up a sign that read:Haircuts for seven dollars.
The other put up one that read:We repair seven dollars haircuts.
剪发
两家理发店竞争非常激烈。其中一家挂出一个牌子，上面写着:剪发七美元。
另一家也挂了一个牌子出来，上面写着:我们修补七美元的剪发。
Frog and Doctor
A frog called a doctor. The doctor told him，“You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who wants to know everything about you.”
“Thats great! Will I meet her at a party?” asked the frog.
“No，” said the doctor. “In her biology class.”
青蛙与医生
一只青蛙给一位医生打电话。医生告诉它:“你会遇到一个漂亮的女孩子，她想要知道你的一切。”
“那可太棒了!我会在聚会上遇到她吗?”青蛙问道。
“不，”医生说，“是在她的生物课上。”
Play the Violin
“Doctor，doctor，will I be able to play the violin after the operation(手术)?”
“Yes，of course ...”
“Great! I never could before!”
拉小提琴
“医生，医生，手术后我能不能拉小提琴啊?”
“能，当然能……”
“太好了!我以前从来不会拉的!”
A Choice of Weapons
Peter came home from the playground. His nose was bloody(流血的). His eyes were black and his clothes were torn. It was obvious he had been in a bad fight and lost. His father asked him what happened.
“Well，Dad，” said Peter，“I challenged(挑战) Jack to a duel(决斗). You know，I gave him his choice of weapons.”
“Uh-huh，” said his father. “That seems fair.”
“I know，but I never thought hed choose his sister!”
武器的选择
彼得从运动场回到家里。他的鼻子流着血，眼睛青紫，衣服也被撕破了。很显然他刚和别人打了一架而且打输了。他爸爸便问他是怎么回事。
彼得回答道:“爸爸，我向杰克挑战，和他决斗。你知道，我让他选择武器。”
“唔，”爸爸说道，“看起来很公平啊!”
“是的。但是，我怎么也想不到他选择了他的妹妹做武器!”
A Dog Not Bite
One day，John was walking down the street when he saw an old man with a nice-looking dog.
He went over to the man and asked，“Does your dog bite?” The old man replied，“No，never.”
When John tried to pat(抚摸) the dog，it immediately bit his hand. John said to the old man，“You said your dog didnt bite!” “I did，” replied the old man，“but this isnt my dog!”
狗不咬人
一天，约翰走在街上，看到一位老人带着一条非常漂亮的狗。
他就过去问这位老人:“您的狗咬人吗?”老人说:“不，从来不咬。”
当约翰试图去摸这条狗的时候，狗立刻咬了他的手。约翰便对老人说:“你刚才说你的狗不咬人的!”老人回答道:“我是这么说的啊，但这条狗不是我的!”
A Birthday Present
“Ma，what present will you want for your birthday?” Three children asked their mother.
“I only wish to have three obedient(顺从的) boys，my sons，” answered the mother.
“Oh!” cried the eldest child. “Then we will have six brothers，wont we?”
生日礼物
“妈，您过生日时想要什么礼物呀?”三个孩子问他们的母亲。
“我只想要三个听话的孩子。”母亲回答道。
“啊，”老大叫了起来，“那我们不是要有六个兄弟了吗?”
A Teacher and a Student
Teacher:Jack，why arent you listening?
Jack:But，teacher，Im listening.
Teacher:If you were listening，tell me what I said just now.
Jack:You said，“Jack，why arent you listening?”
老师和学生
老师:杰克，你为什么不听讲呢?
杰克:老师，我在听呀!
老师:如果你刚才在听课，那你告诉我我刚才说了什么。
杰克:您说的是:“杰克，你为什么不听讲呢?”
When Do We Start?
An angry drunken man was shouting at the police station，“What I want to know is:what was I brought in for?”
“You were brought in for drinking，” replied the police officer.
“Oh，thats good，” said the drunken man. “When do we start?”
我们什么时候开始?
一个醉汉在警察局愤怒地大叫:“我想知道的是:为什么把我带到这儿来?”
“你被带到这儿来是因为喝酒，”警察回答说。
“噢，那很好，”醉汉说，“我们什么时候开始喝?”
