小幽默四则

李春银

Who Keeps Breaking the Machines?

My husband maintains machinery at a factory. Whenever my little girl asks me what her daddy does at work, I always say, “He fixes the big machines there.” One time after receiving my usual answer, she said indignantly, “Well, who keeps breaking them?”

谁老在不停地把机器弄坏?

我的丈夫在工厂当机器修理工。每当我的小女儿问我她爸爸干什么工作时, 我总是说: “他在那里修理大机器。”有一次女儿得到了我同样的回答后, 愤慨地问: “呀, 是谁老在不停地把机器弄坏? ”

An Opposite Example

An aesthetics professors grandson asked his grandfather, “Grandpa, why did you say that all the false are ugly?”

“Thats certainly true. Couldnt you give me an opposite example?”

“Oh, yes,” climbing in his grandfathers knee, the grandson said proudly. “Look at yourself, when you put on your false teeth, you look younger and lively; when you get off them, your mouth looks empty and shrivelled; thats really ugly! Isnt it an opposite example?”

The professor could find no answer.

相反的例子

美学教授的孙子问他爷爷:“爷爷,为什么您说一切假的都是丑的?”

“那当然了!难道你还能举出相反的例子来吗?”

“能!”孙子爬上爷爷的膝盖, 得意地说: “您瞧您自己——装上假牙后又年轻又精神,拿掉假牙,嘴巴又空又瘪,那才丑呢!这不是相反的例子吗?”

教授无言以对。

Therere Absolutely No Fish!

A drunk decides to go ice fishing, so he gathers his gear and goes

walking around until he finds a big patch of ice. He heads into the center of the ice and begins to saw a hole.

All of sudden, a loud booming voice comes out of the sky. “You will find no fish under that ice.”

The drunk looks around, but sees no one. He starts sawing again. Once more, the voice speaks, “As I said before, there are no fish under the ice.”

The drunk looks all around, high and low, but cant see a single soul. He picks up the saw and tries one more time to finish. Before he can even start cutting, the huge voice interrupts. “I have warned you three times now. There are no fish!”

The drunk is now flustered and somewhat scared, so he asks the voice, “How do you know there are no fish? Are you God trying to warn me?”

“No”, the voice replied, “I am the manager of this hockey rink.”

这里根本没有鱼!

有个醉鬼决定要冰下捕鱼，便带着家伙四下里寻找场地，好容易找到一个结冰的地点，拿起钻头便开始钻。这时突然听到似乎有人高声呼喊：“里面没有鱼！”

醉鬼四下看了看，没有人，又继续钻了起来。这时又有人高喊：“我说过了，里面没有鱼！”

醉鬼再次四下张望，一个人影也没有看见，又拿起钻头干了起来。那个声音又来了：“我第三次警告，里面没有鱼！”

醉鬼吓坏了，便问那个声音：“你怎么知道的？难道你是上帝不成？”

“不是，”那个声音回答道，“我是这个溜冰场的老板。”

Real Forgetfulness

Three old ladies are sitting in a cafe, chatting about various things.

One lady says, “You know, Im getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldnt remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down.”

The second lady says, “You think thats bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldnt remember whether I was going to bed or had just woken up!”

The third lady smiles smugly, “Well, my memorys just as good as its always been,” she says as she raps on the table. Then with a startled look on her face, she asks, “Whos there?”

绝对健忘

三个老妇人在咖啡厅聊天。

其中一个说道：“我也真够健忘的。早上出来，站在楼梯口，我竟然记不清究竟是该上去还是该下去了。”

另一个马上接着说：“你这就不坏了。有一天我坐在床上，我竟然记不清是该睡觉还是该起床了。”

第三个老妇人一脸得意：“我的记忆力倒是没什么变化。”说着敲了几下桌子。可一转脸儿，她开口便问：“那是谁在敲门？”